grutzworks3

I rode my bike home from class, and saw an ambulance outside my house, threw the bike down and ran inside, Beth had gone under. I was beside myself, and those first responders said I was making it worse. Beth came around. This is my child! Get the Fuck out of my house! Same with ICU with Alec. There was a journal on the table, many mothers said it. You work for me, not the other way around, fuckers.

Maybe I'll Go, by Sheri All the distance has to say is, I'm beyond your wildest dreams, there for miles, get to me like a lost lover waiting for those my eyes. Give the distance a shot at continuing, discovery and making up for the lost time to get there. I once heard my own echo screamed over the river and backdrop hills, a simple Hello! that here I am carrying on with your rebound.

Fucked up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVdlpZ4M-Hw Took the opportunity when so many were watching me to do dual duty, all about child sex abuse, Look Julio, I push the green buttons at work.  I was being tortured terribly.

So the DJ on the rock station says tells all of us listening to his fucking ass shit, that Steak And Shake came out and said they'd save a million a year if they stop putting a cherry on their milk shake, What's this ass DJ say, Cut his salary and you'll save over 10K a year. Sitting pretty, doing the targeting time, got it all under their belt. Burn in hell assholes!  Cut all these DJ's pay, like now!!!!!!!!!

That I would ever love the guy, he proves himself superficial and nothing to the masses, anything to my heart??  Likely never!

I put my babies down for a nap, then wanted to dance like I always did, but the local guy on the radio did 70's all sex, wanted me to submit. He came on hot and heavy, he saw me and read me. He was fired.

Dead Weight You're gone water containers and dead smokes on the coffee table likely the lasting of love is meant to make a determined push I doubt we knew when the body would reject and cause conflict you hate me coming out and making it known but when it's known? You make me feel that everything is trivial when in fact monsters haunt me, demons, and invisible strikes. I love you when I sit out there with you and want you want you so bad, away from the computer, and open. I think you could try, try to show you love me maybe you feel every other thing has been tried, it hasn't.  I want things totally done on respect. You ignore and put up a fuss if you have to hear it, what good are you, Phil?  what good are ya?

Lyrics Beth, just between teeth, the songs have flooded over us now and left you smelling of wet earth and sticks when there are no walls, just between white trees and white skies, the songs made the tender heart visible as a star. I ate that star. I drank the oil. Now my engines are smooth and going over the edge of the moon. Now, I’m the eye in my grandfather’s wood, carving the morning dove out of the deck and  tired of rain. Now, you made the song spill over the dancing feet, rush like after a great run, you contained all my tears on your salty skin. It was on my wedding day and I ran through flooding water with one song going through me like a morning dove through the open mouth of the sun. Now, I’m sure the words weren’t right. Now, I’m sure I was blinded and searching these streets for an aisle, for my flowers, for you telling me there is no man. Now, I’m the years in my grandfather’s wood with his patterns and dyes, after the sands...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3hkwAlOlzY

Last night in our room, I woke up and saw a man squatted down checking his crotch. He was moving, and I was nearly paralyzed with fear. I told Phil and he said No, nobody there. But it was so clear. I was scared to pass by him and leave the bedroom, but I did, and I went into my own bed, trying to tell myself this is a hypno hallucination. Went in there this morning, and it's a pile of clothes hanging out of a laundry basket. Another nightmare, like seeing the mouse crawl up my bed by my head.

  I'd say the poor who vote Repub have their heads in the clouds. Dems have kept Unions strong the last 40 years, started Earned Income Tax Credit, started healthcare, Bills for women, and women's rights, started Family Leave......Dems haven't been letting everyone down the last 40 years.

farmers in Iowa are the most racist, homophobic, hate on all welfare that exists. They would rather take bankruptcy than take a dime. They're too set in their ways, and dying by the dozens to suicide. Their kids go to school with students like my daughter, and they're sitting there all choked up in hate. Who did the work in this country, it was the Negro. and who does the work today, it's the Latino.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGxjIBEZvx0

  I've done fund raising all of my adult life for CF, and all they say is research has led to new pills that will improve quality of life and add more years. I rememeber when I was told when my daughter was a baby, There will be a cure in 10 years. It never happened. And now the pills cost so much money, nobody can afford them, plus the pills are only for the most common genotype.

The day begins The day begins in an elegy, a symphony, a slow dance to a song leftover in the mind.  It begins as any other constant reminder we can't reverse or deny. I've been going on too long without one day to myself without one day correcting the life and making it perfect. The day begins in a crawl, a creeping, a casual feeling of making the waking easy as apple pie. I've been going on too long in a brain fog around the valleys of my heart too lush to take back. The day begins in a deep freeze of unpacked hours and throws itself against surfaces of backhanded exposure. I've been going on too long in the outskirts of longing and waiting and existing just for nothing but having it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hajBdDM2qdg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3uaXCJcRrE

Names of Hurricanes I bet no Mother Earth would give birth to you ripping and roaring through what was a standstill I bet the girl or boy would be hell bent from the beginning reeking havoc and not taking a tit I bet each one wants to be known for one notch against wood laying water down as a last resort to any getting close I bet you never want to be their name and find yourself nameless better than being helpless or hopeless or wanting any less of life I bet the name is signed all over the land in it's learned art calligraphy or electronically in blue I bet you measure who's name is more strong and powering going down in history like a story you can't forget I bet each name is chosen to be without personality just a faceless and merciless entity driving home destruction.

  I've worked years with the homeless or near homeless, and when I lived in low income housing, I did everything for those kids. My SSDI doesn't last long, and I survive on 113 dollar a week payment from my kids dad. That has to pay for gas, the dog, food, beer and smokes. I know Phil works hard, but I sympathize with anyone struggling. All the Right Wingers say is, Well get a job! ah huh. the old standby line.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

started with a year older brother who wanted to be the only one throwing shoes and boots at me in my crib to being forced to wear braces for a club foot, refused to walk to my parents giving away all of my dog's puppies, Not Sugar, Mom, no! to playing alone with my big wheel and my dog outside to going barefoot, and constantly stubbing my toe to teaching myself to ride a bike after many fails to walking to school thru the back alley with all the teenagers there smoking and harassing to my parents going out and Sherry Heinz had a big party at our house and a guy locked me in the closet to eating a whole bottle of baby aspirin like candy, and my mom taking me in to throw up to living in Texas in a nice house and being introduced to favorite black girl in the neighborhood and the Baptist faith to coming back home and living on the farm with my mom's mother, on the bus, Where do you live?  grandma McGarry's house to moving into a shack with mice and very...

I mean it just hasn't proven otherwise can I get my life refund now .

MLK day is the anniversary date of my first experience of electronic torture. It was 15 years ago today. I took the day off of work, and emailed anyone I could find. Ken Adachi from educateyourself.com emailing me back, Are you experiencing electronic torture? I had never heard this before, but within 20 minutes I was being bathed in electromagnetic energy through my computer screen, the pain was excruciating. I walked away and within an hour the direct energy hold over my head was like fighting through a force field, the pain and attacks continued for over a week everywhere I went. The strangest feeling was standing in line at the store, and being tortured while no one around me felt it. This was only the beginning, because what they started to do was electronic torture and extreme sexual arousal out of the blue. There have been times I thought they were going to kill me, and it's continued on all these years.

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/postscript/mary-oliver-deep-direct-love-for-the-world https://www.newyorker.com/culture/postscript/mary-oliver-deep-direct-love-for-the-world

the military industrial complex, in collusion with university researchers, and various security centers, along with the spy agencies, corporations, mafia and all of mass media are involved in Suspect Targeting Mind Control. The pavlov dog programming, the insertions of thoughts and emotions, and the use of weapons on humans means that truly nothing is sacred anymore. Direct energy attacks of baking the head, body, and all internal organs has got to be the most oppressive thing you can do to a person. It's done at will, at any time, and the surveillance takes the person's whole life on top of that. I have fought so long and hard to get out of this, so many have, and it should be once again taken up by the BioEthics Committee, the ACLU, or any lawyer acting in good faith. However, it's not being done. Nothing is being done.

The List The check mark in the sky is a bird when I've made a list of what I want to get to today, seeming far away, a few more birds, and that's all it takes. Winter has got its lines of wire on this list paper thin, the sky is laid out where the trees are written with fine tips.  Maybe I'll do it all, and have something to say for the day, what I need to pick up, pick out, picking at the ice on my shoes.  The day will not escape thru the back door, but it sits with me after wandering through loose thoughts on the open road.  My list is long and all I can do is take my time, keep coming back to it, like any old lover would do.

writing about the Challenger explosion and the effect on me met with disdain and silly ridicule. Think of larger life experiences, like a death of a loved one, the worst of bullying, well, I didn't want to share that.

What did the boy with a new pogo stick say? I can’t wait for spring. How many teachers does it take to teach math? Too many to count. What did the pilot say upon proposing to his girlfriend? I can go the distance. Teenage girl likes her mom’s brownies, says, this is even sweeter than my mix tape. Older man wants to take up jogging, says, It would be quite a feet. 20-something man with Down syndrome likes to swing, says, This is my only high.

If any hospital, agency, or gov study wants to conduct research on another human being, it must include a stipend to the participant and come with legality of their work in which such conclusions are released. There should be no human test subject in the world that feels they were treated like a guinea pig under extreme measure. We have ethics. We have laws.

in 2010, Obama sent home 10 Russian spies in exchange for 4 there, the thought was that they wanted to infiltrate the gov, and were much more dangerous, and they were sent home because the FBI didn't want to reveal surveillance issues. Remember, when they asked me, Who are you? Where do you come from? It was meant under FISA that I was considered not even a natural born citizen here.

Typing: expert 10 key: intermediate computer skills: intermediate telephone skills: expert customer service: expert Leadership: expert driving skills: expert communication and English skills: expert self starter: expert

Young girl likes to play hookie from school, her mom says, You don’t have to be so absent minded. Older man wants to play in a band, says to his woman, You make my heart sing. 20 something woman wears skinny jeans, says, I’ve always been a tight wad. Single dad plays football with his young son, says, I bet you won’t throw a fit. Mother likes to dye her hair, child says, Mom, you like to color?

some guy takes advantage then says I want my baby. Well, there is no baby, honey.

Johnny was a low income worker who qualified for housing, took the day to the limit with changing the tires, putting batteries in, he had 4 kids, and it really wasn't enough.  The wife had been unfaithful to him, and he never forgave her, said if it happens again, your'e gone. The housing complex had drugs, and domestic violence, had people throwing mattresses out their 3rd floor window when they were evicted.  He wanted to come to peace.  He wanted to come home to love. His daughter said, "Daddy, let's make a fort."  And the space was prime for that, so he did it.  His daughter said, "Dad, I want to be a cave woman."  He said,  "You've got to see the horizon." She didn't get it, and spent the next 10 years locked up in her bedroom. Johnny was a pro bowler, and wanted to get his sons into it, but they were timid and couldn't hit a thing.  He pushed them though, making them think they had it in them.  His one son ...

Food for thought Likely the moon isn't cheese but I keep enough of it in my fridge to know it's still pretty cold up there when nothing is going to expire so likely the sun isn't butter but it spreads across the sky when the air tastes like salt like kissing my CF baby and likely the stars aren't white chocolate chips but I know my mother used to keep them in the freezer so it's even colder to ride on a star and likely the trees aren't pillars of truth or any kind of leafy vegetable but I know in winter this white sky is poured over them and likely I'm just a speck that fell onto the ground of earth waiting to be swept away.

I wonder also if they all can see us through our laptop computer screens, because when I was really writing my comedic plays, I heard Garrison Keillor say, His comedy was even funnier because he kept a straight face.

She was diagnosed at 7 and half months of age mad that it wasn't found at birth destroyed the breast feeding came home did percussions on her chest twice a day sprinkled enzymes in applesauce talking and walking at age 1 into Handi care child care center age 3, Beth, do you think you can swallow these pills? yeah, mom, did it successfully into school, surgery, polyps, adnoids, and tubes put in we got the Flutter device, we did huff coughs no psudamonas, great doctor visits, needed meds for liver age 9, she started running races all other kinds of activities started her on Ibuprofen anti inflammatory treatment cooked her rich, homemade meals with fresh fruit cups for dessert pushed the calories, didn't gain a pound we got the vest, so thankful, it was covered still no psudamonas did a study through the clinic to figure out why she got paid for it into jr. high, she was into all kinds of sports, including running high school, doing the ...