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The Phone Book Flipping thru for the finding, the town is placed where it's easy. people, professions, parties. Maps have streets that fall into the crease, fingers push down to extend. Yellow pages are circled spots. To return to, or use for rings. Local call, the business is theirs they book from this one, standing out bold and unbusy connection, a high light. Alphabet, but not soup on the kitchen counter, this is thick as next to your own blood. s.grutz
from talking, from writing, from fighting, from drinking, from being, from thinking, from needing, from spending (time, money, waking),,,, it can be anyone, everyone, or just how I'm taking it. But I'm making up for not enough.
Just joined Healing With The Arts, Facebook group, and shared the poem I wrote this morning. This will keep me actively engaged with artists.
I invested in my kids, and other kids, but mainly, my writing, and any education. I can't even preserve a Michael Jackson framed poster. Everything breaks down. but of course this house is an investment.
Untitled The call from the open is dying into a fading sun even the walk ends alone alive not kicking up dust can't remove yours or this vision making up directions hearing the fall in temperature risen out of pursuit and landing at the edge weighing options please stop this call if you are so wild the wind settles too after all this and that picking up please don't gather courage for the pit addressing your burning and saving only days marked as spots you laid down the burdens in a rush to find peace? your place you invented the capture and invited a rough terrain plain thinking unraveled you forced the first star to stay obeying signs if the echo is a man is God is beyond any language the gut is where it's from s.grutz
I won't be at your funeral, dad. Don't leave me a God damn thing. You've never been there for me.
"Attacking members over delusions." ok. I'm already drinking, so, if you actually knew my name, these are my books, 10 minute plays and sketches. it's rare. not sharing a God damn thing on that site again
To be clear it’s not all I wrote the first one Had performances of better work than that in 10 minute plays and sketches I write Honestly and I hope not just a confessional But I write personally and close to my story This play will be about myself and my 2 sisters All 3 of us schizophrenic
the only reason why it upset me, and continues, is the last couple of days I saw it on a job board, abandonment.
who walked her oldest daughter down the walkway when she got homecoming queen here in DeWitt. yeah. definitely something else to say for these people. going out to do photo bargain shopping here in DeWitt. No nature photo shoot this weekend. see ya.
they're changing it automatically sometime late June. Better find it and get used to it. whatever.
The mortality is higher in subjects with schizophrenia compared to general population. A recent systematic review and meta-analysis showed that the average life expectancy was 64.7 years with an average of 14.5 years of potential life lost. Moreover, this gap concerning life expectancy persisted over time [2] . Natural death is the first cause of mortality in schizophrenia with cardiovascular mortality at the leading cause. The quality of life is significantly lower compared to general population [3] . Depressive symptoms are its strongest factors.
that's about as far as it goes with any thought on suicide.
no amount of love makes you a good person, Sheri. They will say it. They will use it. They will discriminate because of targeting, mental illness, or social class. In job opportunities, in neighborhoods, by authorities, by churches, by the mass media, and you'll find it, Everywhere. Even the drinking over it, you better keep that to yourself. it kills them, your promoting of professions of writing, direct care for the disabled, and pet business. It kills them that you live here, and are made famous or even liked, loved, wanted. They can't believe you can live with yourself, and all this targeting, and haven't killed yourself. It would have been the only right thing to do.
The 4th set in my new series of poems. Books: The Bible, The Phone Book, Dictionary, Anthology, Autobiography, and Diary.
Inventory went ok today, but will bring a small note pad with me. Scheduled for very, very early hours. have to get used to it, but what the hell is sleep anyway. Good News: River Lights Bookstore contacted me, and they DO want to sell my book on consignment. Yay! This is in Dubuque, Iowa, and I do believe the Grutz name is somewhat known there.
I have experience for this job, and credentials beyond that, good references, a great attitude, and the interview went well. Everyone is telling me, consider yourself unemployable, because every company has these policies.
I have experience for this job, and credentials beyond that, good references, a great attitude, and the interview went well. Everyone is telling me, consider yourself unemployable, because every company has these policies.
over all this social media stuff for the past 4 days, 5 days.
Employee should be made aware that ____ may observe content and information made publicly available by employees on social media. Employees should use their best judgement to avoid posting material that is vulgar, sexually explicit or pornographic,obscene, threatening, intimidating, knowingly or recklessly false, or a violation against the company's policies against discrimination, harassment, or hostility on account of a legally protected class or status or characteristic such as race, age, or disability. There's 3 pages to their policy. You basically can't post ANYTHING job-related, even if you do or don't mention anyone's full name, or this company's name, and also, 'relationships' of any kind in a negatively light, with or without a full name. I'm not sure as an artist, a free spirit, a big mouth, an activist, an overall bad ass, a recovering alcoholic, a truth-keeper, and a general Fuck Ya spirit, that I'm going to be able to sign this
Easy peasey process. Training Friday morning. Starting on Monday. She told me it's all scanning now, very little 10-key machines. Thank God they made it easier. Yay! I'm excited.
Using the radar to an advantage, but trying to avoid it, impossible.
My last email I sent I told him I could definitely do the box ad once a month for 25 dollars per month, and I asked him if I could do a picture, or how much that would cost. I never heard back, but I wasn't always getting his emails. I guess if I'm really wanting to continue, I'll have to call.
Mainly on You Tube, but I had heard of her in other unknown ways. She says she's going to fight for working families. This goes over well in the state of Iowa, but isolating to a lot of people. Thinking I have zero chance with her, but still hope she gets in. I won't be voting til November.
another person who doesn't want to be involved.
he doesn't have to be perfect, but yes, he can fake it even when he doesn't really feel like it.
Invited to Open Interview tomorrow morning for Inventory Specialist, could start training on Friday, and be working by next week. $12/hr. this could be my death though, you have to travel in their vans, and that also means lots of radio time while getting to the location. I think I'm going to go for it.
I had to quit. I'm on a big job search today. Getting tired of Indeed. I'll be letting you know when I get something new.
Proud of y ourself? 4 days of this petty shit!
You just spoke to your boss yesterday! All was fine, and your still sturing the pot all over nothing
Looking for qualified applicants for evening office cleaning in Davenport. Monday- Friday, 6-10pm. Pay is $11/hr. Applicants should have reliable transportation and a clean background. Responsibilities include sweeping, mopping, cleaning bathrooms, trash removal, etc. Please respond with qualifications and town you live in. Job Type: Part-time Salary: $11.00 /hour Experience: janitorial: 1 year (Preferred)
contacted that hotline about a week ago, "I'm worried I'm going to reach for beer again. " and told my therapist that on the phone. so yeah, there were signs. it gets kinda tiring when it's all a mystery. never got advice.
this has been a long time off, too long. Everything is ok. I'm bound to have one bad day here and there. Didn't get much, or any, support yesterday on sz.com. that was a huge disappointment. Just the rocks, my daughter and my mom.
I just have to remember the titles, and do a search. They're not there on the archives. Might be a glitch. This laptop is not the easiest to be a writer either. I downloaded Microsoft Edge, and at first I thought it was going to get me organized, but it switched, gone, and it's also Bing. oh hell no.
boy she wasn't kidding. I'm sure I'm not quoted like her. I like to think I've done her legacy well.
Don't worry about it. It's even worse hearing from somebody who's got it all together.
it really played with me when she told me to my face that she mops these bathrooms floors every day and I don't have to worry about it at night, then the bottom of every checklist sheet for the bathrooms, she's screaming: Floors Need To Be Mopped Every Night! huh?
ah.. These are distractions I did not want.
When i was using the green scrub pad on the sink counters, Pat took it away. When i wrote a note to Quennsha that I'm now using the bucket and it's a lot easier, Pat took the bucket away. When i was using the hammer to open tight lids on trash cans, Pat took it away. The other night, she took the glass cleaner bottle away and put the sanitizer bottle underneath the cart. That night when I came in she left me all the old soaps and dispensers and all the cardboard boxes from new stuff, filling both bins. She leaves her garbage can in her office area with trash in it every night, her floor not vacuumed and the desk, sticky and unwiped. She wants me to look bad, perform bad, and right now she won't text me back when I asked about how to get water for the bucket. One night I came in with the mop and bucket in the hallway filled with an unknown substance. No note. I had to dump it down the toilet. This is another job I may be forced to quit. I mentioned all of this
This is another job I may be forced to quit. See what my boss does. The likelihood that if I quit, I will pop my first top in 3 1/2 months? high. tired. one more smoke, and bed.
Phil convinced me, well, yelled at me, that we should drive back and try it, and NOT get a tow yet, so we did, and he started, and ran all the way home. This is the second time this has happened, got a tow to come out last time, and tow guy started it up and drove it back to his shop. Hummie is possessed, or it's targeting, or is common for this type. for now, no big repair bill.
I always use the auto drop-down arrow to fill in all my info, and an option was there for Justin Fletcher, my brother. I did do a Google search for him recently for current address before he actually gave it to me, because I was ordering him some super foods powder. I guess it was saved for addresses. I didn't click on it to see if it would fill in his address, as I couldn't get it online anyway, unless you pay something. I know you're trying to be helpful, Google. ah huh.
Woman makes her own mask, says, I'm not holding my breath on this. Kid says the orange cones at the skatepark are for slowing down. better that spreading rumors in this town. Forecast for Spring calls for sex, it goes well with laying down the money. The woman finds uses for her elbow, says, I'm still wrestling with all of this. Older man is making his own beer, says only way I can get into the mix. Kids do everything online, say mother always taught them to save and to clean it up. Artist says, if you want a pretty picture it's going to have to be a hard brush with death.
Well, I treated you fine all the time but since you keep attacking me I guess you don’t want me to post on your threads.
Spent less than 10 dollars totoal, used up what we had. all Sheri's creations. I just need to get lettuce for the cold ones, or just eat them with crackers, which we have. Of course this had to start a major argument with Phil. He doesn't want me to use food he paid for or bought, since he refuses to eat my meals.
it's not the strangers who know nothing about me who aren't friendly or say hello upon passing in and out of doors, it's the people I've known all my life. could be from the church, neighborhood or schools with their kids. I bet it really burns these people my more recent photo shoots of DeWitt. ha. There's another one coming this weekend, when the rain stops. I had many chances to leave here, but bought a house here instead. Doesn't matter, it'd be the same anywhere, especially in all that city's mass media.
R.V. They carry the shell slow to a cross-wind, backing of a picture, a blown-up sun. Only space they need in the open, the seating is pew-style taking being out of rough alarm to Go. Sleepy afternoon, the ceiling is a flat refusal to do justice in a wrong time, this new escape is honored, taking in the fresh air touchable. Never being separate, the getting along goes for days to spark this leaving, now leaving well enough alone to friendly grounds, flowers are the reward for green, any cost in spongy bed feeding life, and proof of speech gone wild. s.grutz
she does all of her writing for the fame. She WANTS the fame."
up outside my bedroom window here. such balance. I didn't make the sunrise today. There hasn't been any in days. It's a white/gray morning. slight breeze. I think I'll hang clothes out today, and just buck the call for rain.
but I think I can retrieve them from sz.com Creativity section where I posted them. I haven't saved them to a file on my computer yet. I usually do that right away, or start with writing it on a saved document, then post it to my blog, but I'm having some difficulties on this on this new laptop, so I'm writing direct on a new post on my blog. hmm. I'll get them saved sometime this weekend.
since I've taking this Calcium/Magnesium every day now. maybe I jumped the gun, that it's targeting related. More exercise would help my bones too. Trying to stay positive at work.
I'm sure everyone is freaking out that I'm already wanting to switch jobs. Well, no. This is to stay current. to feel good about myself. to have it on file. I'm not leaving One Source. This resume won't be shared online. I like how it turned out though, and made it different than I usually do, and only kept one volunteer job, Girl Scouts.
it seems to be a female thing, this whole mask industry, and hype.
Last night, late, and into today, I'm getting text pictures of my grandson, the same ones my daughter sent me on the 18th. First, she'll send me something that I don't get, might get, a day later, this happens often on gmail too. This with my grandson is really pissing me off, and if it's foul play with my family, yeah, I want to kill someone.
I may stop wearing my dog sweatshirt to the park. Even too much positive take, love, goodness, How was your day? they look at you like, what world are you living in?
Was this general, personal, or inside knowledge that you shouldn't have about me? and how were you ever thinking about me, morally, and what it would lead to, sleeping with a married man.
Last night at work, I was in the janitor's closet dumping water, and something fell on the shelf, about scared me to death. But paintings on the walls, even just US, Phil and me, we fall down. some of that was drinking probably, and that's what they'll say. I haven't been keeping an eye on it really.
I mean with paying money to reach more people on DeWitt Sit & Fit, or, Free Sheri! They keep asking me to though.
I don't know if right now it's good to come back to. Phil listening to KRNA loud in the house yesterday was really doing a number. Then it was sort of worked out without me saying it was bothering me, that he would shut it off, and turn the t.v. on. But then he turned on the Flintstones. Oh Phil, I'm not trying to be difficult, but come on, stop this.. It's not targeting, and you're schizophrenic.
Now, Who is the irresponsible one? I feel like he was too ready to let us all down again.
forgot my Alleve, but ankle was ok. Night went well despite driving to work and my phone in my fanny kept vibrating. I didn't check it til I got settled in for the night, and two different numbers called in within 20 minutes, looked like the Des Moines area, checked my voice mail, no messages. Fuckers. This has been happening a lot. And if I do I pick up, I say hello up to 3 times, then I hear a click, hang up. Tonight I thought the calls were an emergency, family or Phil. all Phil said if I have to change my Do Not Call List, or update it again. nah. This has been happening 26 years. It's probably not an actual person, rather, satellite phone.
stir-fry salmon, celery, spinach, over rice with warm homemade dressing of pickle juice, oil, honey pineapple mustard, dish sprinkled with pecans. Served hot. it's really light, and yummy. My mobile went back to a shaker, and it's kind of a flop, but I'll see if Deoge will jump when I shake it. taking an hour nap, hopefully.
To minimize interference with your Wi-Fi signal, place your Gateway away from these types of areas or items if at all possible: walls, windows, furniture, fans, fluorescent lights, metal surfaces, microwaves, refrigerators, TVs, computer monitors, cordless phones, baby monitors, wireless speakers, Bluetooth devices and large amounts of water (like aquariums).
The White House Every passage stumps the reflection no hand on crystal captured that everything is fine and the linen is crisp as bills. But the phone is a bridge, needing repair, when the tone is set on its black water high as a tie, or this private vehicle. Chief has a land untaken by the books, not always arranged looks, the way is cleared for takeoff, no jumbo fret to sitting back. Rooms race the grandfather clock, or the historic predecesor, parallel to a door, and how to begin when the endings are wide open. It's always the woman who has baggage and only visits and won't ruffle feathers off a plume unparticulate to housekeeping. The house is giving space to a full mouth no morsels mark from being free, to getting lost. Dwelling of final decisions of unthought through placement to be colorful, but not to please. s.grutz
I try to make it EVERY fight, or why fighting for something, anything you really believe in, and have seen wrong that needs utmost attention, given if you're told this is none of your business, or certain views that put you in your sex, race, disability, or social class, tends to stop your voice. At the same time, there is always good to see, without having blinders on, and being told you're out of touch. This may be, because I've spent decades never getting the truth on targeting, so truth to me, yeah, it's a personal account. it's not always a big thing to be corrected or set straight, or even questioned, and I don't always give explanations, that's part artist, I guess. Anyway, keep the fight. The hardest part of it may be being well, and living a good life.
but when I hear the health concerns, pains, unexplained, and never getting a cause, I want to talk about targeting to them, and sometimes I might say, I bet it is.
but I've thought this before. We got the letter from Trump sometime last week saying it has been given, didn't get Phil upset, but it did me a bit, acting like it's now a done deal, and Phil still hasn't seen it. He did go to the IRS site, and a message said his check was mailed out May 15th. He has heard some of gotten theirs on a Wednesday, but that doesn't seem accurate, according to a day.
but it sometimes bothers me that it isn't all my original thoughts or statements, but rather, something I agree with and reiterate to make an argument. I guess this is common, and it doesn't bother me much if people use what I've said, just a factor of social media platform.
don't want to live on Alleve, and how is Sheri supposed to clean the house and do art while her brother is dying??
after quitting drinking. well, I should say I hope to enjoy things more, once everybody can again during this pandemic. It hasn’t ever taken a whole lot to please me.
just an incentive to get you to buy more stuff, and always the name brand, highest price. I think the Casey's rewards will be alright. I'll earn 10 points for every dollar I spend, and can redeem after 250 points. I'll buy gas, and our smokes, and Phil's beer there, see what it adds up to sometime next month. Gas went up a little bit here. And smokes are still getting taxed twice.
said something like, I've earned respect by stopping drinking. alright. tone and question in her voice over my feelings and statement that I'm a bad person, that she is a mandatory reporter. I have to convince her, myself, and everyone else, that my feelings were, and are, created. might see if they have someone else I can see, but I'm not a wreck, so it will probably be the same.
I don’t know when it started but suddenly almost everyone is calling the internet, or your cell phone an addiction. And there is huge backlash from others that you start to feel yourself, if you use too much of it. There is a totally minimalizing attitude in which you are wasting time. Well, yeah. Everything is a waste of time. Phil will say, You’ve been on that internet all afternoon. But he was watching t.v. all afternoon. I was on political groups, writing groups, planning events, blogging, sharing bits and pieces of myself, learning, doing activism, calming my anxiety with chillout or relax Indie playlists at my desk, posting on my business page, etc. There. I’ve been wanting to post this. Been thinking about it a lot.
I didn't get answers from my GP office visit about this nightly right ankle pain, and I've been tolerating it quite awhile now, but tonight I just kinda snapped. I'll never leave the house for work again without Alleve.
early morning til 1:30 p.m. doing temps on everyone who comes into the building. Then my normal night shift. it's only for one day, filling in. So, I'll be missing that poetry webinar. Overtime pay wasn't even mentioned, never heard of it anyway for part-timers, despite what Phil says. I sure hope I get to use my phone, as I've heard this is really boring, and you mainly sit there all day.
Phil just said he wants to go see his niece. This is his ex-wife's niece. hmm.
that historic uncovering of a family with 6 offsprings with mental illness. I don't think I'll read it though, unless I thought it was written according to that time frame, and not today's standards on sz.
So glad I was able to give her good news. just told her honestly I’ve done this before and I eventually go back, how to make it permanent? We both excentuated the stablity right now, my job, my house, somewhat Phil, my mental illness, etc. It matters double right now during this pandemic. She said it may sound cliche, but use the AA motto, One day at a time. My daughter says that too. She agreed to also use my good physical health now as incentive to not pop a top again. appt. again in 4 weeks, hopefully in person.
got a compliment on the Rilke one. They are kind of like, the permanent, and the impermanent.
Who are Iowans voting for right now, who's on the ballot? My man got something in the mail that he can vote absentee and have it mailed to him. I didn't get this notice, but maybe they only sent one per household. There's only a certain time frame to vote absentee in General Election/November, assuming there's still going to be a convention.
I hope to write another 13 to 15 of them. it's interesting who I was speaking to at the time I wrote this series. I'm not really sure on all of them, but they all sound like Love Poems.
it's FREE. as much as I want to support artists, and I've looked into conferences this summer, nope. I'll spend about an hour or less a day on this. Then on Friday, I'm signed up for a free webinar, might be Zoom, not sure yet. I'm also signed up thru MeetUp with a local writer's group, but I won't be able to attend at night.
I started writing all my poems double-spaced, with no stanzas. I think this occured after I wrote my prose poems, and also just my own difficulties reading a long passage single-spaced. It never has bothered me with novels. idk.
Caught off guard When I say bare walls of isolation in a time that didn't call for a hanging or a movement, then to hear I was born that way, little accomplishment can be preventative to tangled thoughts, or undoing. He wrote poems on the wall with his own blood, own or disown his body, living through shapes if all things connect. The dream to break loose is animal. Given a name, then a lifetime to find 'you'. The questions drop off into sentences. Cheap talk creates holes .That's how it is with the ground. s.grutz
The newcomers are all like, We need to get organized...we need to have a huge rally...we need to start fighting! Do you even realize that many have paved the way?
and thinking Field of Dreams dispelled some of that. We need a remake of that movie right now.
I don't play with my audience in my writing. I won't turn it into a trap.
who posts everything you do online, take a pic of every meal, every event, every memory, everything you buy, every pic of your dog, etc... maybe that person is you, and that's ok. here's a song about all that." Is it ok? Really? What are you trying to say?
Iowa State and Illinois Extensions should be great resources to study on prairie wildlife, parks and river banks. looking into. Paid to do an eco-tour first week of June. That's thru River Action. Waiting to see if they have it. I'll donate my money back if they don't, or apply it to something later in the summer.
I'm waiting for a phone call back to get registered for the bats evening on June 13th, and I want to do this one too with Alec. I hope that CASI opens for classes in June. Want to start Line Dancing again, and I hope they'd be ok with Alec joining in. It would be every Tuesday morning, unless they totally change their schedule. This would be easy to continue social distancing.