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My life story that I'd never write

started with a year older brother who wanted to be the only one

throwing shoes and boots at me in my crib

to being forced to wear braces for a club foot, refused to walk

to my parents giving away all of my dog's puppies, Not Sugar, Mom, no!

to playing alone with my big wheel and my dog outside

to going barefoot, and constantly stubbing my toe

to teaching myself to ride a bike after many fails

to walking to school thru the back alley with all the teenagers there smoking and harassing

to my parents going out and Sherry Heinz had a big party at our house and a guy locked me in the closet

to eating a whole bottle of baby aspirin like candy, and my mom taking me in to throw up

to living in Texas in a nice house and being introduced to favorite black girl in the neighborhood and the Baptist faith

to coming back home and living on the farm with my mom's mother, on the bus, Where do you live?  grandma McGarry's house

to moving into a shack with mice and very little heat, and my brother scared of the dark, and wanted to sleep in my bed and I made him sleep on the very bottom of the bed

to moving yet again where my father would beat on my mother, and the snow storms were records

my mother buying my brother a football helmet for Christmas, and she bought me one too

playing school in the walk in closet and sharing a bed with my mother

to my step dad coming into our lives and them sleeping on the living room floor

moving yet again and being best friends with the neighbor girl in the duplex

swimming day and night, and playing all kinds of games outside

moving yet again, this time into a house and I had my whole basement

being a cheerleader for St. Joe's and my mom driving us girls to the games

bullying and ending life in that school

to, Why are you here?  What happened over there?  I just wanted to

to getting real close with Linda Guise, my new best friend

to spending the summer with my dad, barely any food, and they told me I looked like a model

to playing sports, cheer leading, and in love with Mike LaCourse

to thinking I'm going into the Air Force, and they told me I was overweight, but I am, Mom

decided to go into college and the first 3 months smoking pot with all the guys

went into a sorority and did lots of works to get new members, was the Spirit Chair

met Dave, my kids dad on the street when he was walking by, never left him

working at various jobs, but dropped out of school and we moved to Kansas City

couldn't make it, barely surviving and got pregnant

moved back home, and worked two part time jobs to save money

my parents said, You've got live by our rules and I couldn't wait to get out of there

went on welfare and gave birth on a rainy storming early morning in September

I think baby A has Down syndrome

came back to my apartment with my babies and Dave was soon gone

Mom, something's wrong with Beth and she was diagnosed CF at 7 and half months

managed to pay off my student account and signed up again to go back and finish

moved us into a small little shack that flooded often in Iowa city

danced every day

Finished my degree

moved back home to brand new apartments

looked desperately for jobs and there was not much

continued dancing and running and working out

got two jobs I worked around my kids schedule since they were in everything

was my daughter's Girl Scouts Leader for 4 years

found Satellite Surveillance and Human Experimentation

Started to develop forced speech upon waking every morning and running dialogue of my thoughts and actions that day

went on medication

running races and working all the time and reading with Beth

bought a house 3 doors down in a cul de sac best year of my life

then the worst year the next with strong electronic torture targeting

raising my kids and having so many in depth conversations with Beth

I read so many novels

we get Deoge our lifelong dog

came into some money and published my first book of poems about targeting and schizophrenia

doing so many events with my kids all entertainment

I keep writing and developing and I keep volunteering at so many places

I turn over a whole new leaf and start working out every day and eating healthy

I'm bullied out of a good job over mental illness

Beth earns her college degree then she gets married

I meet Phil and he moves in right away we have a toxic love that lasts

I spend most of my days online drinking beer and smoking cigarettes

and that's where it's at.








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