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Showing posts from October, 2018

Fighting hard not to get a few beers right now

r adults) they get food stamps, and an Obama phone. Yeah, everybody wants free stuff. Housing just goes to social security and sees every dime you have made, they all work together (not true, they're all separate, you gotta report income on each)" We've been fighting since he got home, that is, he is. I thought by him being with a disabled woman with two disabled kids, he'd have more compassion than that.

Phil doesn't believe me about this

When I was at the Catholic school they did health screenings on us kids we went into a room with a large metal table stripped down to our underwear and they examined our torsos including the stickies to test our heart I think I was in 5th grade, maybe 4th and I’m pretty sure I had no boobies yet I remember it well because it was so shocking Phil says it was a dream no it wasn’t, honest to God truth can you imagine that happening today

therapy is dumb

All I did was sat there and talked and she took notes, why I do not know, there was never any assessment, advice, nothing.  Once I went in and just sat there, didn't talk, just stared at her, thinking maybe she had time to review those notes, and had something to say.  We sat in silence for 10 minutes, until she finally asked what I wanted to talk about.  I could have done this is front of my own mirror.  So I guess I did, I started talking, and she asked questions just to chime in, one time she did say something, she said, Let the pain wash over you like water.  Interesting cuz water is the only thing that helps, though temporarily.  That's the only advice she ever gave me.  And all those notes, probably thrown away.  Waste of time, money, and effort.

I'm pretty amazing aren't I?

everything I've done. Single mom with paranoid schizophrenia raising a child with Down syndrome, and a child with cystic fibrosis. Not only raising them, but raising them with my entire being. All of my writing, blogging, volunteering, races, dancing, working. I'm not sure anyone else could have done it.

We're thinking that AA will be a novelty, but substance abuse will be handled by psychiatry. The non alcohol pills are really helping, I take 6 a day, and I'm on day 5. Yesterday Phil asked me to go in there and get him another tall boy. I said abosolutely not, Phil, I'm getting used to going in there and not headed straight for the cooler. Then he said, How about some wine, you don't have to drink beer. No way, Phil. It's not going to be easy with him. I also think my psych meds are working better and that will help too if it truly is a chemical thing.

My thoughts on these numbers everybody has been throwing around

there's not millions in the program, nor is there thousands, there's hundreds. We're numbers, person under surveillance number 325. It's highly unlikely even with the most advanced tech, that they could be seeing through each person's eyes, data and telephone surveillance, and mapping their brains, and hitting them with weapons if it was more than hundreds. How could they keep track, single out, and hone in on such a large number? If they're testing us, they need results, and how would that be possible if it were millions? If you think most T.I. are mainly getting gang stalking, that's because the people claiming gang stalking have taken over the T.I. brand.  Actually it has nothing to do with it.  It's Monarch mind control of Suspect targets on blacklists who are placed under surveillance, electronically tortured, and sexually attacked.

Lies and Unethical

Supposedly the economy is doing so well, why because the wealthy who got the tax cuts are doing more spending, while the rest of us see prices rising. China goods are going to skyrocket, and it's already hurting farmers. Reckless Repubs cut Medicaid, all to give big tax cuts to their donors, the wealthy, and corporate greed. Mental health services suck, the schools are suffering, and the VA turns away a suicidal vet. He's dead. Grassley and Ernst, total lip service to my outrage, Trump even cut funding to the VA, all he cares about is us standing up during the anthemn.. Vote Blue!

There's many more I've tried too but...

Who's denied helping surveillance issues: The ACLU, Human Rights Watch, Doctors Against Torture, Amnesty International, every lawyer, the Governor's office, The Criminal Investigation Unit of your state, the local FBI, every non profit, the state Ombusdman, Legal Aid of your state, Geneva Human Rights Committee, presidential foundations............

Recap of my life:

Recap of my life: high school or college? college. College or pro? pro. marriage or single? single. Book or movie? book. full time or part time? part time. Credit or debit? debit. Running or bicycling? running. Eggs? hard boiled. Save or spend? spend. Music or t.v.? music. Long hair or short hair? long hair. Prayer or volunteering? volunteering. Male boss or female? female. Beer or liquor? beer. Night owl or morning? morning. Rent or buy? buy. Discipline kids or no? discipline. Psychiatry or no? psychiatry. Hot or cold? cold. Messy desk or organized? messy. Over seas or domestic? domestic. well, that's about enough I guess.

Take this Willey

Guns I swore a long time ago that I would never sleep in a house with a gun, so when I spent the night at your parents house the first night, I was rattled by that gun case, the shotguns hanging there like brooms as if to really clean your clock, as if to really be ready for use, and I couldn't sleep in that room, I couldn't stop staring at the barrel, the trigger, was our sex a part of it? Yours shining and new, your finger on me ready to hear the explosion? Sleep wouldn't come.   Later, you said, enough, and covered the case with a blanket.   It was like a box of puppets then, hidden and silent, hoisted up by invisible strings, and the guns wouldn't kill the beer headache or the lights I insisted upon, wouldn't kill me or you or any thought of love, they would only need a target to be raised, to be poised and steady, here is where I lay still and straight, as if in glass, as if we all ...

Chuck Grassley reply:

October 8, 2018 Dear Ms. Grutz: Thank you for taking the time to contact me. As your senator, it is important that I hear from you. I appreciate hearing your thoughts regarding President Trump’s nomination of Justice Brett Kavanaugh to serve as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. The Senate Judiciary Committee first held hearings regarding the nomination of Justice Kavanaugh from September 4 to September 7 of this year which gave Senators the ability to question Justice Kavanaugh for hours regarding his extensive legal record. Throughout this confirmation process, unprecedented amounts of information was made available to the public and to Members regarding Justice Kavanaugh’s background – which included more than 458,000 pages of White House Counsel’s Office documents submitted by President George W. Bush, as well as more than 22,000 pages of documents from the Office of the Independent Counsel which were provided by the National Archives and Records Administration ...

not that great, some jokes

Garbage man comes early, says, I never do waste time. Young girl likes the baton, says, I can catch any blown kiss. Writer does lots of poems, says, I've always got a line. Older man has heart trouble, but says, and the beat goes on. Leaves are falling, and the young boy says, I haven't been seasoned. Woman in the kitchen is out of something, says, I'm all used up.

how to make a mind control sex slave according to Monarch: start by making them a high prolific watched target, then add a crazed mind easily broken and controlled, then use pleasure and torture campaign to control and influence behavior, sometimes done at the same time to reward or punish the target. When the orgasms start flying, make them guilty of being called a whore. If the mind backfires, which it will from trauma, scream, Kill yourself you fucking whore! Keep the target at hand's length of pain that will make them aware of higher power so that they cower and give up any fight.

Mental Health Care in the U.S.

you need a referral to go to community centers, so I can't get in. When you're inpatient here, you have to Skype with a doctor, nobody wants to come to rural Iowa. In fact I see a nurse practionsher for meds and visits. You get a sit down for about  15 minutes, and you wait 2 or 3 months to get in. You have to go through the ER if you're really having trouble and want to go in patient. They say in there that they will check your health and blood, but all they do is blood alcohol content. You wait in the ER for hours doing nothing. You're lucky if you get your own room, and bathroom once you get to the ward. The food is typically good, and the nurses will give you the patch. You're bored out of your mind, and there is no therapy in there, except certain women who come in all positive and sickening while you suffer.