The Rules for the Bruce Springsteen Fan Club (a creative essay)

The Rules for the Bruce Springsteen Fan Club

by Sheri Grutz

The following rules are in particular order, and have been put in place to avoid mayhem. If you find the rules hard to live by, maybe consider joining a different Fan Club.

1. You must own 3 forms of compilations of songs by Bruce Springsteen, one vinyl, one cassette, and one CD, but they do not need to be in mint condition. It helps if there are bugs in your house, or if you're a person who plays these songs over and over.
2. You must have ticket stubs from 3 concerts framed in glass. It helps if you have several thousand people walking through your living room.
3. You must refer to Bruce, as “Doctor” and it helps if you are having your brain read while you're reading his bio.
4. You must have visited Asbury Park at least one time in your life, and it helps if you're being stalked so you can bring attention to the area.
5. You must be raised Catholic, or still attend, and it helps if you have a history of being reptilian.
6. You must play an instrument of some kind, and it helps if you dream about playing while others are watching your dreams.
7. You must take time to find memorabilia of Bruce Springsteen, and it helps if you steal so that you will create a whirlwind response.
8. You must hear things in your head, and it helps if you've had brain injury, concussion, or torture.