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Showing posts from November, 2021

The truth.

  Tim mc Climon and his wife sent you guys a graduation card for their son. He's known my name all my life. and many others I could name. What, because I needed to work?? Enter You sent hatred, for women being on their own.
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used to make perfect pecan rolls. We'll see this year, if I can pull it off. they're for Christmas morning with coffee.

 got Phil some Dove For Men bars, he's having cracks hands and feet.  he's probably using that hotel soap.  idk.  I'm gonna shock Ronnie and wrap up my Snapshots plays for him.  might send a copy too to aunt Karol and my dad, and throw one in in Beth's box. I bet Phil's day is going long today, but they're all real happy with him.
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"And if you'll be my body guard, I can be your long lost pal." yep.

 then they say, if this one isn't one of your favorites, Get over it! I wish it were that easy with all them over me like stink on shit. Phil wants to sit down with me over Thanksgiving, and go thru the Fingerhut cataloge. All I want is new snow boots, size 9. Hopefully not too expensive. He says he's got 900 on credit, even gets enough life insurance thru them to bury him and get a stone. he's going with ashes of his dog, Buddy. Can't wait to see him, coming up soon.
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look at this one. not sure what we were doing, just having a luvin' time.

 
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Long time ago. Happy holidays! Sheri Grutz, mother, writer, Christian, volunteer, pet sitter, Suspect Target of the United States government. Back on Facebook in the year 2021.

 
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Never got psuedamonas, We must study her, Why is she not getting it? just before she turned 18, it colonized. Came home every weekend, I think mainly to get my meals. ha.

 Sent her 3 boxes often of high calorie and high protein bars, Not cheap. the second time she got it, she was in Ames, and for some reason, we couldn't get the medicine to her fast enough, and I may or may not have lost rights when she turned 19.
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this is all I said to my mother

 I'm a dead beat, mom, what does it mean to you? you used to talk about people like me with your coworker when you worked at the electric company, same as they're probably doing to me at the water company. then her sister, my aunt, sending asking me to seek God and stop my drinking and smoking, and I asked my mom to have her stop sending me these cards, she has no room to talk to me like that, citing reasons why. so, my says, I'm your mother, why do you say terrible things to me, I told you yesterday, just Stop! I'm shutting my phone off now.  then I told her about the electric jolt I got, and scared to lie down again and had been up since 10:30 p.m. And she said, Go to bed. like I exaggerate everything, and it's all in my head. that's pretty fuckin' funny, because She is the one exaggerating everything.  I really don't know why she's mad this time.  I'm just a Truther, in all regards.
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I went thru all that pain of plantar fascia, being wait staff by weekend, and throwing boxes all day.

 didn't know what it was, finally found the right doctor, and got the custom made arch supports. my stepdad got it too, and I assured him this pain will go away, but my mother says, Sheri, he's worked hard on his feet all his life.  well, Jesus, I was dancing over an hour every day on threadbare carpet in the basement after working a factory job all day, and all the pounding of the pavement years later.  Anyway, his pain went away. I still see commercials of people who have gone to the Good Feet Store, and they're crying from relief from pain.  I know when I got mine, they weren't covered under Cigna insurance, I think it was a little over 300 dollars. I'm making mine last as long as I can.  If I've gone up to 5 days without 'em, I tell Phil, I need to get my arches and tennies on.
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I love Phil's belly, it's so cute, hope he hasn't lost it. I looked at mine the other day, and all I saw and felt was stretch marks. don't know how I go up and down like this.

 should get to the doctor, especially after this jolt, but I'll be saying suspected targeting to my head and body, then they might call up my pdoc again, and say I'm not well. when I first went in to meet my new pdoc, I told her the truth, and she was staring at her computer, and said, Yeah.  and I said, No, not yeah, you don't believe me, this is really happening!  told her more asked if she'd fight for justice for me, she said, I don't know what I can do.  walked outta there thinking she was about 50-50 on the belief scale.
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What got you?

 Aerosmith song they kept playing, "Now you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat, tell me what it takes to let you go." a writing and/or dancing whore.  oh God, so done, to all of them.
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generic now, youngin's and upper classmen, they're all in the same spot, no personality. the 3rd floor at the old junior high was caving in. Still not sure why we didn't get P.E. in high school with boys. we did in grade school.

 best thing was getting a chocolate shake on Fridays for a quarter in high school.  probably why Mike didn't like me.  haha.  Sheri, he was homecoming king, he was artificial as shit!  yeah.
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just put ours up. it looks like a monster! ha. can't find the lights. Phil is notorious for losing things. they should go on top of the ornaments!

 
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anywhere mom, as long as I'm in the same room with you.. Yep.

 
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James, when you met him, thinking it was a for a job, how shocking was that standing there in the office when he suddenly put his hands all over you. it had Never happened before.

then I went on to sleep with the guy at my apartment, didn't want to, then I called him a week later maybe when he was at work and I was distressed over the latest on targeting, and he tells me we can't talk about that here.  huh?  never heard from him again.  it's been like a really bad sit-com.  thank God I didn't put any of That into my plays and sketches.
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"We questioned you from the beginning, just wanted to see the good, all caring mother every year you raised them . the end of the world may have been happeing, even because of us, but we didn't want to see it." said or thought every broadcaster.

Sheri, PBS was one of the biggest haters.  you didn't tune into anything around your kids but them.  it was an occupasion, Sheri.  they were all into it. 
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there were times I DIDN'T use print out directions. Went down to Branson to grandma's 90th with Ronnie. just went by highway.

 he was pretty hung over driving home, slept the whole way. I was pretty hung over too, but I got us home. the thing about our grandparents moving down there, always thought my cousin Brooke should move in, and help them out when they were still here. she was in college at the time, and would have gotten free room and board. Those girls weren't raised with religion. I don't think cousin David was either until my aunt and uncle became born again, and excessive.
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when I said I had to pay off my unversity bill before I went back, I used my university card to buy when living in the apartment with Michelle Rabe.

 I didn't have any, but Michelle had lots, and I felt terrible if I was desperate and ate some of hers. she didn't like it either. when my mom would come, she'd insist on taking me out shopping, but she had a new life now, 2 boys, and I didn't want her to buy me food.  pride, Sheri.  huh.  yeah. I think we did go a few times and I got Ramen, and other dollar stuff. until a job in food service, it  was food insecurity like many times in my adult life.
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doesn't it always seem over-blown about me? I mean, go find Real evil people. And get off of here!

 Ugh!  Sheri, they ignore the good.  well, who are they to say what's good and bad. nobody can live up to this, Sheri.  I'm not outta the woods yet.  Yes I would destroy my body again to have a couple of beers right now.  This woman should have known that Sheri, just when you're doing the best you can.  always happens.
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I just tried commenting this under I don't know where my comments about Kansas City went and it keeps getting deleted, won't let me publish it.

Some of the poems on this blog are not seen in the archives, you have to know the title and search for it, it might be there, but I don't remember many of the titles.  some are in a file, not even sure how to draw that up, but I can see if I can them sometime. testing. 
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Did you write most of your works with happy endings because your dark book was rejected?

 that may be some of it.  also just wanted them to be uplifting. Jason keeps talking about Beauty, I finally asked him what he means by that, and he said illuminating. I told him well, my dark book, Forgiveable Charms is Beautiful. then talking about writer saying another writer wrote, the world is bad, the world is evil..... No, Jason, I would never write that in my works, and that is not what it means to get dark, plus it's not even poetic language. told him he'd have to read my book.
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Dave comes home from Alaska after 6 months, there to me, a truck, and I had secured a place to live on Section 8, he comes here with 50 bucks on him. what exactly was he doing up there.

 always knew it'd be like this.  I see Julia Kiple from the dorms out walking in Iowa City when the kids and me were in the rental house, and I invite her in, she does not say, Cute kids, Sheri, she says, Julianna just a baby, Lucy.  I may have said something about or asking about her being a single mom too, and Julia said, She's getting married, Sheri. none of my college friends liked Dave. well, I never asked Them for permission. it's funny, now that I'm with Phil, my mom says Dave was a really nice. that's not how she felt about him at the time.  she didn't like him either. until one day when we were dating, I crying hard, probably over Will, and he sat down with me and asked, Do you want to do a suicide pact? I jumped up, dried my tears, totally snapped out of it. I know he remembers that. not sure why it was still bad in Kansas City, thought about agreeing with him then, thought about taking a whole bottle of aspirin, pretty sure I didn't, think I poure...
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ummm, no I don't think that's okay, just because you think you're in love with someone and you sleep with them though they are married.

 had to think hard about it, he was married, and I wasn't in love with him, but I did it. it was brief, and I came, but he didn't. I regret that.  he never should have asked that of me. even though I was encouraging him when he complained to me about his wife, what he can do to come around to her side. stupid.  should have been doing that before the chance of us having sex. and they had a baby at home.
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that was probably the worst display of some kind of high life when the sorority went with dates to a hotel in Cedar Rapids, meal, drinks, rooms overnight

I think I mashed in our room with another guy, wasn't even my date.   I think my mom paid for that event.  Karol paid for my dress, it was 200 dollars. I recently gave that to the referral center. the maids and wait staff hated all of us. too loud, too obnoxious, thinking it's all about us.  ah huh. 
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did not do Any writing while I was pregnant, thought I might not again, looked into court reporting, but

after the babies were born, I was invited to do some kind of assessment on what your strengths are for a career.  it was Mon. thru Fri. during the day, and I remember I taped my voice for my babies to listen while my mom was watching them.  (I don't believe any other mother would do that) anyway, the questionaire at the end of that week said my strengths were in creativity. huh, I thought.  I took it seriously, picked up a pencil and paper again.  couple months later I was paying off my remaining balance (pretty sad that Pat left that up to you at that point being on welfare) and I was getting ready to head us to Iowa City.
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Darrin came by the apartments, his parents were still in the area, and he gave me a very thick print off on CF.

 then he went on in California to work a year at a CF hub. I did tell him about targeting, but since then I haven't heard from him in years. his parents are dead, found that out from his cousin, a nurse at the doctor's here in town, but I think his sister might still be in Iowa, but very doubtful I'll hear from him again.
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Your face shouldn't matter in class, but your mind should. it never mattered in high school. there were a few boys who just talked to me, never asked me out. who wanted to talk to me

But Darrin wanted to.  I told him I was in love with Mike La Course.   funny, a few years later, when we were in college, a few of us from high school got together, no idea where, in a bar in the middle of nowhere, but relatively close to DeWitt, and him and me talked and smoked outside a long time, then we were all leaving, and him and me made out in the back seat, tried to go all the way, but really couldn't in the car.  so rude of us.  Holly was driving, someone else was in the passenger seat, and it was even my car, since I was too drunk to drive. saw Darrin again when he owned a coffee shop in Iowa City, went in there after not going back to Country Kitchen after the manager told me my black pants weren't long enough, go home and change, pretty sure I didn't have another pair, and thought it was bullshit anyway.  don't know what he was thinking, that place was always packed.  When I was in Darrin's coffee shop, he was happy to see me, but there wa...
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when the nurse came, not sure how long ago, I weighed 165, and Phil said, I thought it would be more. I said, Thanks Phil.

 but I felt miserable, like shit, all the time, and that clocking in was not what I wanted to see. quit beer, how many days ago, and now I'm down to 152.  so I guess, I'm wrong, drinking beer does cause a lot of weight gain.  But I also stopped eating, so I wouldn't vomit.  now it's just a little snacking. when Phil comes home and starts cooking again, I'll eat with him, and keep gauging my weight on our scale.  I want to stay in the low 150's, happy with that.  I'm worried when I see him again, how thin he's gonna be.  He's kinda mentioned it. when he's home, it's amazing how much he can eat, unless he goes to bed after drinking and a puff of pot without supper. but then again, I should be weighing in at over 200 pounds by being on psych meds.  idk. I'd like to start walking again.  hard to get motivated without Deoge, she can't go for a walk anymore, she lies down in the grass.  But Moose and I will go this weekend.
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