grutzworks3

 a man or two, or maybe 3, coming to the door asking my mom's hand in marriage. you were all eyes and ears, weren't you?  yes. turned them down flat. it wasn't uncommon in your day, though, the man that came to the low income apartments, deaf with two kids, the woman accepted.  I believe it made the front page of the paper.

 and watching your mom not stirring it too much, the mix of pancakes.  Pat saying, No, you gotta stir it all the way.

if they didn't have a hard fall, Sheri, their minds are nothing! 

 

at the basketball game, he gestured to his dad to say something to me, I believe it was, Tell her to leave me alone! scared out of mind facing that dad. I believe he told his son, But she's pretty, Mike. it's alright, Sheri.  enough.

 all your friends had you meet him across the field. He liked me. he liked that I liked him. then what? stopped liking it.  ha.

 even my daughter says, We weren't born that way, mom. Take pride, you did great.  yeah, all is good.

 all the novels you've read, all the great writing, as a schizophrenic, and mind control victim. yeah, but that's why family thinks it's no big deal. I did exceed my own expectations though, and everyone else's. that was then.

 and I even had to pay for that. I can barely read my phone anymore. idk.  when Phil's got his glasses on he'll read out loud some of it to me. I like to be in the living room with my phone when doggies are here.

 absolutely ridiculous that Peter Richards would come back and sing praises to Iowa City.

 Bringin Tracy Armbrister to my graduation party. Hitting on Mike LaCourse. Never giving a shit about my daughter with CF when I was fund raising. Living in California of all places. RIP.  

  when I went into First Central Bank to give my gifts off the Giving Tree, there were no gifts under the tree, stood there asking the receptionist, she was on the phone, and then took another call. I waited about 10 minutes, then left. She should have put those calls on hold. She looked disturbed over the giving. My gifts will go to my family. Hope somebody else buys for that kid. Never doing it again.

 totally off the top of my head in memory.

 I came out to the living room to talk to Phil about what transpired on the site, and he blew up, "You think I want to hear your internet drama??" I really needed to talk to him, he knows my online life matters, I spend a lot of time on here.  and I screamed, You don't know what a relationship is, all you want is a place to stay, and sex!  then he went down to his man cave, screaming something about my mental problems, yeah, like that's My fault. And Jason is asleep, and no Beth, well, she doesn't want to hear it either. Phil can't defend me one day, everything is by myself. Well, it's not good, because now Im going to get beer. I'll have a headache, stomach ache, and might be vomiting in the morning. but I've got my acid reflux med now. but it will sooth me right now.  so sorry.  never meant to disappoint.

  for me, I just know I've never pleaded, not to God, not to the infilitrators pulling the switches. I don't believe I've ever cried either, but have for other reasons.

 except sometimes when I am completely better, I think it's okay to drink, but nope, hope not, I've gone back also because it helps me sleep, ahhh, I should be alright.  got coffee, decaf tea, ice cream, and lots of water. I wanna be good to my body, screw what the mind wants.

 I had half a big  can of creamy chicken and potato soup with saltines for lunch one taco for supper big bowl of ice cream 1/4 bag of potato chips and I weighed still at 143. I guess it's okay, I feel pretty good, glad to be eating. Phil and I did  pretty good at Jeopardy, better in the second round, but he got final Jeopardy right, I think it was a total guess. he'll probably want to sleep in today since we watched The Conners in the middle of the night. I changed my mind, I really do like Roko. the remote even works for regular t.v. I think I got about 5 or 6 hours of sleep, idk, I'm taking 2 or 3 Trazadones, and one melatonin,  I just don't want to lie in bed trying to fall back asleep, so I get up. the wind is ferocious this morning. I'm drinking heated up coffee that was left over from yesterday, since we're almost out of ground. and water.  Good morning.

ahhh, I might have to suffer all weekend with this pink eye.  might call the pharmacy see what I can get for some relief at least, OTC. 

 Phil, if you had your way, nobody would talk.  don't they do it all day on talk shows? This is My show.  surveillance, and my blogs. plus, doesn't Ronnie call me at least once a week?  or I call him. Phil says he's the only good person you have in your family, who cares and doesn't ride your ass over every little thing. well, thank God, I got him. and your dad, and Karol.  yeah.

 "No, we gotta take care of ourselves."  I guess.

 I don't think she's gonna respond to text or phone calls again anyway. it's all my mother's fault, telling me to apology to Beth, for a simple mistake, when I already had.  Like she can tell me what to do. a few comedies would do her good. I told Beth, she can write me a letter, but I'm deleting her, the way she has me, on Facebook, and gmail. I don't know what they're expecting of me, nobody has fought for me for justice. there's many teenagers, and mothers, that would have been livid, Sheri! I'm gonna die, and they're still not gonna fight for me. I got angry about them not caring, so Beth deleted me. it's all been pretend. she also thinks I send them gifts because I'm trying to buy their love. I'll never talk to or see her husband again anyway.  I'm done being a burden. just starting to be in recovery. then don't talk to your mother!  and be careful with the radio. your mom and daughter seem to forget you have mental illne...

  maybe we need to bring back, Mean People Suck bumper stickers on the cars. I'm not immune to this either, maybe a combination of many things. when psych places ask me to say 5 good things about myself, I never say 'nice' that seems too fake. this might have something to do with Tina Turner, Sheri. I'm being who I am. but why is there still bullying going on in schools. saw on here, the 7th grader, LGBTQ, killed himself over it. this just should not be happening.

  what was the general impression got from the second guy who answered the phone in Joni Ernst headquarters office: "You're a schizophrenic, and I don't want to talk to you." that's not what the first guy said, it's why I called back after about a week. don't want to give up with them, not sure what I'll do. This discrimination, Sheri, is it mainly in the Republican party? nah, it doesn't really matter the party. Dave Loebsack didn't even give me the time of day, and now he's gone. that the worst thing about elections, you gotta start all over.

 didn't get any sharp stomach while in bed, that's a good sign, no vomiting, just a lot of coughing, hopefully that goes away.  the Pepsid is supposed to be taken before bed, that should help.

 this is A Lot in the Republican party, Sheri.

for being a drinker, for being a smoker, for things I do, say, and think. what does That sound like?  She's definitely perping me. and my daughter isn't much better, trying to cut off all communication. I told to tell Uunt Kay to quit fucking sending me letters preaching to me about how I should change everything about me! she said back, Stop it!  You're abusing me! omg. I think I can show her what abuse is. you already have, Sheri, many times, and she doesn't care, or believes you're exaggerating. it's getting harder and harder to say what you wanna say. they treat you like a guest, Sheri 

 just another Trazadone, plus a Melatonin, gonna try again here in a minute.

 probably can't go anyway, Sheri.  yeah.  that's not what our governor says.

I'm at 143.  I'm going to try to eat today, after taking that pill might just be a smoothie. Phil is down to 117, says he's going to eat all day today. he doesn't vomit like I do, tomorrow I should be in the clear. 

came across a few, or quite a few shows on PBS on experimenting on animals. I don't believe they harmed them, but they are all in separate cages. we like to study birds, but we wouldn't cage 'em, couldn't catch 'em anyway. and the one Nova show, owners volunteered to have their dog's brain studied. Put him in this huge machine, restrained, and then gave him a stimuli over and over. they were trying to figure if dogs only love us cuz we feed them. huh? I think I can learn more from a rescue dog, instant love in the car. phil knows by now, when this stuff comes on, we turn the station.  

 all I want is new flooring for the living room, and he already got the new light/ceiling fan. I also really also want to some gripping pads you put in the bathroom shower/bath tub. but not a mat though, gets all mildewy.

when I comment on political sites on here, people or maybe just one will look me up, my profile, timeline, and then make some kind of insult directed toward me. I don't believe I've ever looked a person up to find out more, maybe once or twice. I typically don't retaliate. I was asked when I was posting all my coloring, Did you pass kindergarten? that insult wasn't too bad, many have been a lot worse.  

  this station needs to play more, "I can't believe the news today, well, I can't close my eyes and make it go away." I believe it's U2, Bloody Sunday. and all the divisions from all this bullshit! it's not talked about too much on this station, and I do get lots of local news or happenings. DeWitt and Clinton downtown businesses are still thriving. it's nice to hear that for a change.

 the answer of Michael Chabon. I'm the only one who got it right. I've read all his books. but Phil got so many right today. I think he earned over 4 thousand dollars.

Phil just helped me take my Scoobies, since I'm still shaking, even though he's nearly drunk and stoned. I keep telling him stop touching on me and rubbing on me. I'm making it downstairs to sit with him with music, tried the news, but turned it off, since all it was was the new variant. sure hope I can hold these pills down. I feel better tomorrow. Phil is really getting into the Christmas spirit, says Come on, honey, this might be our last Christmas together. yeah, all 3 of us. 

 

 144.  yikes. I don't if I'll fit into my jeans, and I don't got a belt.

 I might start looking again in the Spring. got two messages for dog sitting on Facebook page, called both of them, and they never called me. I'm trying not to get paranoid about that.

 haven't eaten or taken Scoobies in days, can't, I'll vomit it all up,  and that makes we feel all wiggy too.  beer and psych med withdrawls. well, it'll last about 3 days.  then I'll stop shaking too.

 147.  I'm maintaining.

 I complained that the tag on my Earthquakes is 1.49, and they shouldn't be ringing up as $1.89 at register, saved 80 cents, and now I went into Kwik Star, and the tag is removed.  stuck at $1.89 per can. not even cool, since I practically own stock in this company  fuckers.

 you've invested a lot of time on there, Sheri.  yep.

 I bought her a full six weeks of dance classes when she was in high school, she went to one session, then never went back.