12 Hours (a brief sketch)

12 Hours

by Sheri Grutz

12 Hours (a brief sketch)

Stage set as a classroom, with 3 students sitting at a table, and an instructor at a podium facing them. On the curtain, or wall, is a cardboard clock that says 8 o'clock.

INSTRUCTOR

Alright, are you ready to begin?

(they nod, and say ah huh)

I said, are you ready to begin?!

ALL 3

YES!

The more excited you are, the more exciting the class. Now, where is my little red wagon? Ah, here it is. I will wheel this around, and you can take out a packet, a pen and a pencil, a calculator, and a toothbrush.

YOUNG MAN 3

A toothbrush?

We got them free when we got our plaque. (pause) Alright, everyone got their materials? (they nod their heads, and say ah huh) I said, does everyone got their materials?!

YES!

In this class you say it like you mean it. So, I'm Magnus Humphries, and this is my 12 hour class you will need to finish your A.A. Fortunately for you, we will doing this class in one sitting, and there will be no quizes, essays or homework. Get through this day, and you pass.

YOUNG MAN 3

I think I'll pass.

What do you mean, you haven't even taken the class yet, you can't pass.

Alright, I'll stay.

So, there you go, that was one hour. (he adjusts the cardboard clock to say 9 o'clock) There. Now, in your packets, on the first page, you will see a series of optical illusions. In the far upper left corner, look at the picture for 10 seconds, then tell me, what do you see? (pause)

YOUNG MAN 1

I see a woman.

YOUNG WOMAN

I see a cat.

YOUNG MAN 3

I see a black coat.

A black coat?

I never stare into faces.

Flip to the next page for the answers. If you saw a woman, it means you will be a perfect fit for Equal Opportunity Employer. If you saw the cat, it means you will be a perfect fit for using your hands. And, let me see, nope, there nothing here for seeing a black coat, but I'll just ammend it by saying, you would do well in making wedding cakes.

YOUNG MAN 3

Wedding cakes?

Yes, you see layers. In this class, we are hoping to find out what jobs suit you. If you turn to the 3^rd page....wait just one moment, that's another hour into the class, you're on your way! (he adjusts the cardboard clock to say 10 o'clock) Anyway, turn to the third page, and you find a grid of numbers. Don't really look at it, just glance it, and then tell me what number you see the most in the grid.

5.

2.

0.

Yes, okay. On the next page are the answers. If you saw mostly 5's, it means you would do well running a 5 and dime. If you saw mostly 2's, it means that you will have a partner working beside you, and let's see, if you saw mostly 0's, hmmm, looks like you will be a starving artist.

YOUNG MAN 3

A starving artist?

Or it could mean you will be running circles around the competition.

That sounds better.

Yes. Alright. Now one more little game, on the next page are words scrambled up without letters and in the wrong order, tell me what the first word is.

Super.

Supper.

Stupor.

And you will find the answers on the next page. If you said Super, it means you will do a lot of out of town travel and stay at a lot of Super 8's. If you said Supper, it means your old fashioned values will win you over with family and friends. And if you said, Stupor? Hmmm, well, let's see, I'll just it myself, I do believe it means, you will get stuck in elevators.

YOUNG MAN 3

What?

Well, listen I'm no fortune teller, and you getting stuck, gets me stuck.

My prediction is that you will be stuck in traffic on the way home tonight.

And you will be stuck in the rain.

YOUNG MAN 1

Can we move on?

Yes! Of course! Ah ha! That's the third hour, it is now 11 o'clock. So next in your packet, you will see uniforms. It doesn't mean you have to be uniformed, just uniforms. Look at each one, and tell me which one you think will fit you best.

The police officer.

The chef.

The priest.

If you said police officer, it means you will work closely with the EMT's in helping with cardiac arrest. Are you willing to run with the Bad Boys?

Yes.

I said, are you willing to run with the Bad Boys?!

YES!

Great! Now if you said, chef, it means the roll of the dice 'em up, sometimes you just get lucky. Do you think you can take the heat?

I would bet on it.

Good. Now, if you said, priest, hmmm, nothing for me to tell you here, except your garb will always be in the closet. Well, looky there, there's another hour. (he adjusts the clock one more hour) Now we will not rule out what it takes to become an astronaut. Each one of you take a turn, and crouch into my little red wagon. You go first. (he sits in it and barely fits) (the instructor pull the handle up and down making the young do a bronco-style sitting. He stops) What do you think?

Makes me think I might have wanted to be an astronaut as a child.

Hmm, yes. Next. (he repeats the procedure) And what do you think?

Makes me think that I might be taken for a ride with this.

Possibly. And you are next. (he repeats the procedure, but this time, the wagon tips over) And what did you think?

Makes me think I might tip the scales with this! Yes! I've always wanted to be weightless.

Ah, fat chance. Well, moving right along, let's just bump it up 7 hours, lucky number 7, and then we'll call us all winners. (he adjusts the clock to the last hour of the class)

YOUNG WOMAN

I never play games.

You don't take risks, you don't get anywhere.

I don't want to climb the ladder.

Well, there's just one more thing they want me to ask you before we finish up this class. Do you think any of you are military material?

I've been in a position where I had to fire.

I think my boots could walk all over them.

It'd be nothing but killing time.

Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad. I'll let the recruiter know, you might be interested. The tests are a bit harder than this funny class.

I just want to laugh all the way to the bank.

I want to be rolling in the dough. (aside: I'm still thinking about being a chef.)

I just want to keep change.

Well, there you have it, young people. The sky is the limit. I wish you luck in your pursuits in the working world.

Are you sure it works?

I've got all my working parts.

I need work.

Congratulations on your A.A. Now don't end up in A.A. (he walks off stage) (They throw everything back in the wagon, and walk off stage. A small skinny man comes on stage, and takes the handle of the wagon, and pulls it off stage) (The end.)