Drain the Pain
by Sheri Grutz
Stage is set with two young men and
one one woman, sitting in hospital chairs spead out from each other,
but within talking distance. There are a few end tables with several
devices. The female doctor is wearing blue, and addressing the 3 of
them.
DOCTOR
Ohhh kkkk, each of
you has been assigned a therapist, annndd, that therapist has
assigned you to meee, for this pain study. Is this correct?
MAN 1
Yes.
WOMAN
Yes.
MAN 2
I might have been
assigned, but what do I have to sign, my life away?
Nahhh, you will
achieve free life, hopefulllllly!
Is that anything
like 'free love' because I don't want to take any drugs.
The only thing high
we're looking for is a reeeadinnng. This right here is called a
reverse polar la vora,
and it will show
how many amps are in your heads, then store it. Who wants to go
first?
Am I going to get
shocked?
Ohhh you'll be
shocked. I'm hoping to take all your paaaiinnn away.
I'll try it.
Okkkkay, now let me
just turn this on, when not in use, it acts also as a cribbage board.
I'm starting to get
you pegged.
Nahhh, it's not
often we find so many with so much pain, but this device beats me
every time.
I'm not easily
amused, just get on with it.
Right, right!
Ohhhkkk, now this should stick right to the side of your head, this
little plastic cord, let me see, whhhhyy, yes, it is attached. It
must be the implant it's attached to. It might just take a moment,
turn this button up, yessss, I'm getting a reading of 500, that's
extremely high! Aaannnd, now I hit store. There. All done.
But I still have
pain.
Yes, yes, well, we
will see in a minute about that. I just want to show you something
amazing about this device. Watch what I can do when it stored that
energy. (she plugs it into the fan on the table, and it starts
working automatically) You see there, we harnessed it, and
reused it.
Is this supposed to
be good news?
The body electric!
I think I see the
light now.
Alright, nooowwww,
you are next, right?
Sure.
(she does the
same procedure to the woman in the study) This is showing me
750, that is sky high!
Sky's the limit, I
guess.
I will just hit
store again, and therrrree. Now let's try to see if I can get this
radio to work. (she plugs it into the back of the small radio,
and music starts playing instantly, on low) Whyyy, yesss, we
seem to have a real breakthrough here, the two of you and your pain
are running electrical appliances.
I'm not being
saved, the only thing I'll save on is my energy bill.
But it's a start.
You there are the last person for the study, ready?
Can we do this on
my wife, running her mouth?
It's only for the
head.
Alright, go ahead.
Will do. (she
goes through the same procedure, but something is wrong) Something
is wrong, the plastic cord will not attach to your head, do you think
you don't have implants?
More like a box of
rocks up there.
I can try to hold
it in place and get a reading. There, now let me see. OKKK, well,
yes, I'm getting 250, not as high as the others, but I think I can
store it. (she pushes a button) Yessss! It's stored. Now
let's experiment with this cell phone here. (she plugs it into
the back) Hmm, nothing. Well, it does take awhile to charge.
Yess, it says it's charging we'll just let that be.
I'm going to try
something else now. Each of you will take home the reverse polar la
vora, but right now, I'll hook the three of you up toooo seeee if
weeee can drain all that pain out. How does it sound?
How long would that
take?
About 10 minutes.
That's a quickie.
Let me just see
here, yes, they are connecting again, except for you, you will have
to hold the cord to your head. Now just relax. I'm stepping out for
a minute, and will be right back to see how you are feeling. (she
walks off of stage right)
Should have known
we'd be dealing with tech.
I've got to drain
more than my pain right now.
This could be
revoluntionary if it works.
This private war is
hell.
(long pause, the 3 of them look
quickly back and forth at each other eying each other, squinting
their eyes, then slowly, they start to raise their eye brows, and
breathe ooooo sounds) (enter the doctor)
You may be onto
something here, doc, my pain has receded!
Ohhh, my goodness
gracious, that is wonderful! Let me just get your reading and
storage. Yep. And now you are ready to use that energy in your
storage. No cost. Have a nice day.
(he gets up, say, Ha! Smiles and
sways while walking off stage)
And you, how is
your pain levels?
I cannot believe
it, my pain is gone too!
Excellent, yep, you
will plenty of storage too. Glad I could helllppp!
(she gets up and
shakes her head little, takes her device and walks off stage)
You are the last
one, and how your pain levels?
It's no good. I'm
still getting pain.
Ohhhh, nooooo. Let
me take a look. It's saying medical condition. I'm sorry to tell
you this, but you might have cancer or fibromyalsia.
Really? Oh that's
terrible.
I'm writing a
referral for you right now. I want you to see Dr. Bauer. He will
take care of you.
Can I still keep
the reverse polar la vora?
Yes, yes! It is
yours forever. Good luck.
(the young man
has a hard time standing, puts hand to his head, and says, Next you
have to help with emotional pain)
Yoooou got it!
(he walks off stage, doctor takes
the cell phone, and sits down, checking it. Lights out. The end.)
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