Having Class (a brief sketch)

Having Class (a brief sketch)

by Sheri Grutz

Lights up on a classroom setting. One man in center of room is dressed in costume, and everyone around him is looking at him and talking under their breaths.

TEACHER:

Dan?

Call me Batman.

Alright, Batman. You're going to be paired up with Robin. Your assignment is to address the drug problem in our country. Will that fly?

Yes, I can fly. Don't you understand, I'm twice as smart in costume.

Sky's the limit. Everybody else got their partners? Nods from the class. Alright, pair up and get started.

BATMAN

We need to meet after class, and go out on the street.

ROBIN

My wife keeps me on a short leash.

We'll take a walk on the wild side. I'll hold onto ya.

You're acing this class, how are you doing it?

It's well known that those who dress the part play the smarts.

You ain't getting me into one of those.

Yes, I will.

Why?

The only time you do the role and then roll with it.

I can't be what you're asking me to be.

Just meet under the Union Station clock at 5 p.m. We'll see whole new definite of projects.

Okay. I can do that.

Bell rings. All people walk off stage. Lights out briefly, change of scenery to the street. Lights up.

Batman walks up to Robin.

In this suit, I have this whole cityscape memorized. I also have a photographic memory, so that helps.

Just in case, I've got a recorder.

Ah, yes, but I'm never captured. Nobody can claim they saw me or knew me.

That's a twist to the power button.

Truly, I don't show up. My street smarts are off the charts.

Alright where to?

They walk to side stage where two men are huddled close together.

Are you into the system of the down?

Excuse me?

Cuz you're going down. We're cleaning up this street. First tell me, why you want to do illegal activities?

Robin stands back.

I run this neighborhood. I know every nook and crany. What do you mean by this?

Hand it over, and hand this guy's money back.

No!

I've saved so many things on my computer, pictures, conversations, interviews. I'm good at saving.

You can't save me.

Batman swings into action, then swipes the drugs, and does ballet dance moves off stage. Robin throws his hands up, and tries to surrender, then slowly backs his way off stage. The two men exchange money again, then slowly walk away off stage in opposite directions. Enter Batman running onto stage. Robin comes out of breath behind him.

Very soon we need to get you into a costume, you don't have the smarts.

I just want to pass the class.

Got a class action coming in through the cell tower feed, some guy is holding up a bank for drug money. Let's go.

They go racing across the stage. Lights out. Lights back up with a bank robber and tellers. Batman slams into action.

This suit is bullet proof, don't even think about it.

What are you some kind of nut?

I'm the smartest guy in the class, and I'm going to close the book on you.

Not before I get my money. It's a necessity.

Are you all wired, because I'm wired too, and got your number in my system.

You can't know it that fast.

I told you, I'm smart in this costume. I'm right now shutting down your arms.

The man visible losses grip of the gun, and falls to his knees.

What in the hell? Who are you?

Batman finds rope on a table, and ties the man up.

I'm just a student at DMAC.

Robin shakes his head, but takes out his recorder.

I've got it all recorded.

I told you you won't find me on it. I'm just a strong figment of imagination. I use it well. Let's go.

But wait, Batman, we've got to sit down and write our paper and do our project.

They walk to side of stage.

I'll tell you what, the writing is on the wall. I can get in there to class and carry the whole presenation. I've been doing this for years. It comes second hand. Just follow my lead.

Can I use my recordings?

Sure. And listen, when you come into class, get your costume on.

Never.

I want you to go out on the road with me. You'll be the most unfooled person, the smartest guy on the block.

That doesn't matter to me, I just want to pass the class.

I dress the part, and therefore, I wear the pants in the class.

Maybe, but I'll just present my evidence.

You can write something up if you want, but all my knowledge is innate. You'll get a good grade with me, even if not dressing the part doesn't make the grade.

I'll take my chances.

See you in a few days in class.

Yeah, and Batman, why couldn't we have just done articles?

These are articles. Of the law. See you.

Batman rushes off stage with cape flying high. Robin walks off in the opposite direction, looking behind him. Lights out. The end.