The Antenna People
-for Robert Stanton
by Sheri Grutz
2 young men sit
in cushiony chairs in the living room. They each have helmets on
with antennas sticking out of them, and glasses on.
No. 1
I'm being
interrupted by Bayer aspirin, it's causing head pain.
No. 2
What station are
you on?
No. 1
Fox News. They're
interviewing me on conspiracy theories....I'm thinking
about the song, Hit
Man.
No. 2
Are you
broadcasting that song to them?
No. 1
Yes, but I don't
have it memorized, and I don't have the video.
No. 2
I'm on CNN with
Bill Clinton's birthday, and I'm playing Don't Stop Thinking About
Tomorrow.
They are tapping
their hands.
No. 1
Why do you want to
be there?
No. 2
It's all I can get
right now. The local guys want me to do the weather report, I got
that thought out of my head.
No. 1
I'm going to take
this head set off and go clean slate for awhile. (he takes off the
gear, and walks off stage)
Enter another young man wearing a
helmet with antennas on it, take off his glasses.
No. 3
It's no good...I
can't translate German, and I keep thinking of George Trakl, and they
tell me I'm getting off topic.
No. 2
Maybe you need to
wait til you're sleeping, and do the overnight show with all the
other callers.
No. 3
I can't handle the
broadcaster telling me I have backward thinking.
No. 2
Maybe you need to
meditate.
No. 3
They also say I
keep repeating myself, and thinking I'm right every time.
No. 2
Yeah, I got into a
fight with MSNBC yesterday because they said I wasn't responding
directly,
and thought maybe I
should use speech.
No. 3
Speech?
No. 2
It was okay because
a new idea came in, and they started agreeing with me.
Enter another young man, with one
high antenna, and one broken one, takes off the glasses.
No. 4
Help! My antenna
is broken, it's constant static inside my head.
No. 3
Here, let's get tin
foil. (he helps press on the foil to the same length of other
antenna) How about now?
No. 4
Whoah, I'm getting
cloud movement, geez, I'm getting dizzy. (he sits down)
No. 3
It's best to do
your question and answer session on a bright sunny day.
No. 4
Oh wow, now I'm
moving with the moon! At least I think, unless it's a space ship.
No. 3
Turn it off, man,
you don't want to pick up any viruses.
He takes head set off, and leans
back, and sighs deep.
No. 4
Yeah, I was hacked
last week by some preacher guy wanting money.
No. 3
He must have sensed
how much this is all worth. They went to type with my thoughts, no
more hearing me.
No. 4
Why they'd do that?
No. 3
They said I was too
poetic, and took in another target. I'm getting angry.
No. 4
Don't do it, you
know what happens.
No. 3
I can't help it,
this should be up to me, it's my broadcast! (pop, lights out
briefly, when lights back on, smoke in the air)
No. 4
You just did it.
You blew a fuse.
No. 3
My electricity can
be rebooted. I just need to take a nap.
No. 4
Speaking of
which...I need a good charge.
No. 3
What are you going
to use?
No. 4
The massage chair.
The vibrations, you know. (he walks over to chair, sits down and
turns it on)
Target No. 2 who has been silently
deep in his thoughts, speaks up.
No. 2
I'm getting mad at
this interviewer calling me a Sex Pistol.
No. 4
We know where your
thoughts are.
No. 2
Simple human
nature.
No. 4
They want second
nature.
(No. 2 squints
his eyes, and pounds the chair) (pop, lights out briefly, when they
come back on, smoke on the stage)
No. 3
You did it too, you
blew a fuse.
No. 2
I need a break
anyway, this is a terrible way to get paid.
No. 4
Are you sure you
don't mean to get laid?
No. 2
What and lose my
privileges?
No. 3, Rick was
right, I am so sick of these commercials, my God! (pop, lights
out briefly, when they come back on, smoke on the stage)
No. 4
Well, well, now
we're all in the same boat. Let that sink in.
No. 2
I wanna go shoot
hoops. Let's get Ricky.
No. 4
I'm with ya.
No. 3
All those
commercials are subliminal, and my brain is trained to resist.
No. 4
I know, I know.
No. 2
Rick, let's go!
Young man comes walking out slowly
from side stage.
No. 1
Did we get enough
time in today?
No. 2
Doing time with the
mass media.
No. 4
It beats custodial
work.
No. 2
You got that right.
One young man picks up the
basketball, and all 3 of them walk out the back center door of stage.
Lights slowly go dim. The end.
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