Translations (a
brief sketch)
by Sheri Grutz
Lights up on Greeter adjusting his
bow tie, standing by a closed door in back center of stage. The
stage has a warm and inviting house scene on it.
Couple (man and woman) come in the
door, greeter says, Welcome to
the Friendly House. The man pulls arm across his body,
then clasps the hand of the greeter around the thumb. Greeter says,
ah yes, you'll be arm wrestling
while you're here. His girlfriend smiles, and greeter says
to her, ah yes, Coy, won't share
a lot. They go in and sit down.
Next couple comes in, the man turns
his fingers under and cups the fingers of the greeter, pulling toward
him. Greeter says, ah yes,
You'll pull your own weight while you're here. His
girlfriend smiles, ah yes,
Happy, Warm, you'll be motherly while you're here. They go
in and sit down.
Next couple comes in, man shakes
greeter's hand like a politician, and greeter says, ah
yes, Firm, well you'll be the one to lay down the law around here.
Girlfriend presses lips together, and greeter says, ah
yes, Straight face, you'll be the one who cracks the best jokes
around here. They gather together in the living room.
GREETER
Okay folks, we are
gathered here today to initiate all of you into the house, and
hopefully you will be pledging your time and talents while you're
here. But getting onto business....we have to create a Universal
Language for this house. The first couple that came in, let's see a
hug.
(The first man gives his girlfrind a
huge bear hug.) Well, that's
kind of what I expected out of an arm wrestler. Okay I'm writing
this down Bears, and bears need food, so part of our universal
language will be food! (other couples and nod and whisper,
yeah, yes, looking at each other)
Okay,
next couple, how about a hug. (the man pulls the woman
from a distance into him) Well,
of course, the man who will be pulling his weight. Let's see,
Pulling for someone....that would have to be Sports. So, sports is
part of our universal language. Very good.
Okay,
last couple, let's try out a hug. (Man takes her hand,
with his arm firm around her, clasps her, then dips her.) Well,
yes, the man with the firm handshake...but I think what we got here
is Dancing. (pause. He reviews his notebook)
Okay,
let's see what we got here. Universal Language includes, Food,
Sports, and Dancing. How does that sound?
(Everyone nods their heads, saying,
Yeah, yes, looking at each other.) Alright,
I've been reading you people for long enough. Now it's your turn for
each couple to teach us your topic. Disperse, come back here in 10
minutes. (The couples all get up, and walk out the back
middle door) (pause)
Each couple comes back in, one
carrying a grocery bag, the other carrying a duffle bag, and the last
one carrying a box with a disco ball in it.
GREETER
Alright.
We are going to make this house the best one ever. Couple 1, the
universal language is food, what do you got? (Man reaches
into his bag, pulls out an apple in one hand, and an orange in the
other, and holds them steady, then weighs each up and down, then
shakes his head, No. He hands the orange to his girlfriend. She
takes and pulls it close to her heart, and he does the same with the
apple. They both smile. They put them away, and both of them are
then holding a banana in each of their hands. They shake their
heads, Yes. They put the bananas away and sit down.) Why,
of course! You can't compare apples and oranges. I'm putting this
down that we all must try to be on the same page.
Alright
next couple, you've got Sports...what do you got? (The
second couple stands up, and the man takes out a basketball and he
spins it on his finger, while the woman takes out a baseball bat and
stands it upright, forehead down on it, runs around in two circles,
then they each take out tennis balls, and attempt to juggle them,
then they put everything away, and sit down)
By God, I think I've got it, the world goes round and round, and
quicker than you think. I'm putting this down, Don't get spun out of
control.
Alright, 3rd
couple, you had Dance, and what do you got?
(The third couple stands, and they
take out a disco ball, and turn it on. They each do a separate
dance, one person slow, the other person fast. Then they stop, and
turn the ball off, and sit down) Hmm,
yes, I think I'm getting this one, You must Express yourself. Wow.
GREETER
Here's
what we've got for the Universal Language of the house. Be on the
same page, don't get spun out of control, and express yourself.
That's perfect! I know you've been waiting. Alright all of you, you
may talk now. Remember our 3 rules though. (he walks off
stage) (the couples start talking about sports, and parks with
bears, and dance lessons, all at the same time, and they are really
getting into it)
Lights go dim, with them continuing
to talk. The end.
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