The Birthday Boy (a
brief sketch)
by Sheri Grutz
Man sits at a booth behind a large
wooden frame, with each smaller frame inside the larger frame, until
you can only see his head. He is a black man, with his face painted
white. On his booth is a large white frosted birthday cake with
candles unlit. Enter Young Man.
YOUNG MAN
What are you doing?
OLDER MAN
I've been framed.
YOUNG MAN
Are you sure you don't mean famed?
OLDER MAN
Notice I have no background.
YOUNG MAN
What time did you get here?
OLDER MAN
5 a.m. But don't call me Bird Brain.
YOUNG MAN
Do you want me to take your pic?
OLDER MAN
How far will you take it?
YOUNG MAN
How bout from 6 feet?
OLDER MAN
Better than 12 feet underground. Why
don't you take it to the bank?
Young man snaps a pic.
YOUNG MAN
It'll be glossy.
OLDER MAN
Good I'm already a door matte.
YOUNG MAN
Wanted dead or alive right?
OLDER MAN
There is no window...don't you see,
everything is open. Open-ended.
YOUNG MAN
Are you afraid people will see through
you?
OLDER MAN
Nah, just a moving pic of an actual man
when you need to get the right focus.
YOUNG MAN
You're front and center.
OLDER MAN
And will you put it on a shelf?
YOUNG MAN
Probably. The man in the moon on a
sunny day.
OLDER MAN
There's not a glare is there?
YOUNG MAN
Just from these passerbys.
I'll tell ya what, I'm going to do one
hour photo, go make up the pics
and you can sell them for pin the tail
on the donkey.
I can. You know, all this fussing for
a perfect shot.
OLDER MAN
I want a shot at redemption.
YOUNG MAN
I'll go. See you in awhile.
Young man leaves. Older man has
fingers in white paint, and smears it all over the frames around him.
Enter young woman.
YOUNG WOMAN
Is it white collar crime?
OLDER MAN
Yes but their hearts bleed blue.
YOUNG WOMAN
How old are you turning?
OLDER MAN
Too old for games.
YOUNG WOMAN
I'd like to introduce myself, I'm
Estella Matthews, and I organize special events. Is this a special
event?
OLDER MAN
I'm nothing special, but they made me
into this snow capped mountain.
YOUNG WOMAN
But it's your birthday, right?
OLDER MAN
Yes. Another year, and nobody pictures
it.
YOUNG WOMAN
I can picture it.
OLDER MAN
Alright go ahead.
The man turns his head to a profile.
She takes a photo of the man in the white painted frames.
YOUNG WOMAN
I'm coming back with supplies.
OLDER MAN
No favors.
YOUNG WOMAN
No really, we'll move each frame into a
box, and you can let people open you up.
OLDER MAN
But it's my birthday.
YOUNG WOMAN
And you haven't opened up.
OLDER MAN
Not going to.
YOUNG WOMAN
Alright. I'll be right back.
Young man returns, with large white
envelope.
YOUNG MAN
They turned out pretty good, but look
at this donkey pic I found.
He uprolls the poster of the donkey
painted in rainbow colors, with piercings, and shaved spots.
OLDER MAN
Are you trying to make an ass of me?
YOUNG MAN
Nah, you only turn the way you are
once. We'll make them turn and turn and turn.
OLDER MAN
Alright, tape it up.
The young man tapes the poster to
the lower part of the frame and legs.
YOUNG MAN
There. You can carry anything now.
Enter young woman carrying paper
bags, and an envelope with pictures.
YOUNG WOMAN
I scored. I got satellite whistles,
mouse pads, emergency aid kits, lots of stuff!
OLDER MAN
I can't doctor this up, I really can't.
YOUNG WOMAN
What about this....candy lips?
OLDER MAN
I bet you never kiss and tell.
YOUNG WOMAN
This is an open secret, I'm with you.
OLDER MAN
Sure you're not Secret Service?
YOUNG WOMAN
Nothing like that.
Enter several young kids.
YOUNG KID
Is it your birthday?
OLDER MAN
Yes. It was just born there.
YOUNG KID
Can we play?
YOUNG MAN
Yes, get on your hands and knees, and
close your eyes, I'm going to twirl you a little bit. You've got to
put this satellite sticker on the tail of the donkey.
YOUNG KID
Does it gotta be the tail?
YOUNG MAN
Better if you can find the head.
He twirls the kids, then stops, and
they crawl toward the poster. Each of them sticks it on the
nose/mouth of the donkey. They stand, and open their eyes.
OLDER MAN
Hmm, why yes, I've eaten star dust.
YOUNG KID
Are you a star, mister?
OLDER MAN
I guess.
YOUNG KID
Can we have some cake?
OLDER MAN
Yes, and eat it too.
He cuts and serves them cake. They
sit in front of his booth facing the audience.
She pulls out sidewalk chalks, and
says, This is for when he chalks it up. Let's make the box
first. It doesn't work, and the frames falls around his neck.
Looks like you're making headway.
OLDER MAN
On this my birthday, I'd just like to
shatter the myth, there is nothing pressing me, there is nothing
against me, I'm where a picture tells a thousand words. Mugsy ain't
got a mug like me.
YOUNG MAN
Here's to another great year!
OLDER MAN
I made the greatest wish just now.
YOUNG MAN
What was that?
OLDER MAN
To rise above the bloody ground.
YOUNG WOMAN
You will be, shining and certain.
OLDER MAN
You've made my day a little better.
YOUNG WOMAN
I'm glad.
YOUNG MAN
I'm glad too.
OLDER MAN
I'll have to remove the white washed
world.
YOUNG MAN
In due time.
OLDER MAN
That's long overdue time.
The kids leave. The young man and
woman leave the envelopes with the pics. The woman nods her head,
and raises a hand to say bye. They all walk off stage. The older
man takes each frame off from around his neck, and places them in a
line on the stage. Then he hops on one foot into each frame. He
keeps hopping on both feet, all the way off the stage.
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