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The Virus People (a brief sketch)

The Virus People

by Sheri Grutz


Enter young man wearing thick, google-like black glasses, making constant facial jerking motions.
He walks up to his friend sitting on the couch, turning his way, wearing the same style glasses.

NO. 1
You don't have the right interface.

NO. 2
What's wrong with my interface.

NO. 1
I can tell you're getting pop ups.

NO. 2
I think I've got too much memory stored, it's clogging up my whole system.

NO. 1
Metamucil?

Lights flash on and off.

NO. 2
I can't shut myself down!

NO. 1
Too much uploading maybe. How many pictures you got stored?

NO. 2
Over a thousand. Plus all the music.

Enter next young man.

NO. 3
I'm sick. I've got a virus.

NO. 1
I think we need to do some serious meditation, you know, wipe the slate clean.

NO. 3
I've been shutting down and restarting all day. Nothing helps.

NO. 1
This is serious...we're going to have a crash!

NO. 3
It's happened before, I just do a CT scan and zap the bugs. I'm going to call my doctor. (he exits)

NO. 2
The head pain, the stomach pain, the central nervous system....awww.

NO. 1
My problem is, I do too many searches.

NO. 2
For what?

NO. 1
The parasites that did this to me.

NO. 2
You're pretty organic though, man, I think we should get the chips removed, you know, go back to using laptops again.

NO. 1
Look at what I found. Obscure magazine in my lens, wanting hackers.

NO. 2
Do you want to apply?

NO. 1
Scared to upload my resume any more.

NO. 2
Send it to me.

Thinks real hard, then presses button on side of his glasses.

NO. 1
Done.
I'm going to get started. We need some extra cash.

NO. 2
I'm going to lay down and go into dream screen saver.

NO. 1
Alright.

(long pause. Man sits focused looking into his glasses, waiting. Enter young man)

NO. 3
I've got appointment for tomorrow morning.

NO. 1
Great. Look at this man, I just got in.

Young man stares into his glasses.

NO. 3
If I didn't know better, through encrytion I can tell that's the NSA.

NO. 1
That's right, it is. And I'm in.

NO. 3
The police are going to be here any minute.

NO. 1
nah, it's secure.

NO. 3
No way, man, it's broadcast!

NO. 1
It's no good, the files have been erased. I can't keep it there.

Enter a police officer with back up officer, slamming open the door, and pointing his index finger in a gun style at the young man.

NO. 1
What the fuck?

OFFICER
Hands up. We know what you're up to.

NO. 1
My hands aren't doing a thing.

OFFICER
This is the mind police, and we traced your thoughts back to this residence, and your people.
Where you're going is to a psych ward. Those meds will put a stop to you.

NO. 3
Will it get our viruses?

OFFICER
You aren't free to use your brain like this, no one is.

NO. 1
I know you have very little authority.

OFFICER
I've been trained to deal with people like you. Now come on, all you, you're going away now.

The two men take off their glasses and lay them on the coffee table.

NO. 1
Aaron, come on! We're going to delete and remove.

Young man walks out slowly.

NO. 2
Well, well, I hope they feed us well.

OFFICER
After all your news feeds, I don't think it will matter.

NO. 3
Will they let us read books?

OFFICER
You can bring something.

NO. 3
I don't need to bring something.

OFFICER
You will when they're done with you.

NO. 1
Even if you split us up, we have WiFi.

OFFICER
They might have a computer you can use there, but that's all you're allowed to use.

NO. 1
It will be a nice break, I think. Let's go guys.

The police escort the 3 young men out the door, slowly.

Single spotlight on glasses on the coffee table, going dim. The end.









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