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Showing posts from September, 2017

Free Sheri! and follow up

What I will tell your lawyer: This is the same woman who told me, quote: "I don't care if my brother Steve wants to smoke pot if it makes him feel better." It never mattered with us, these two people drank around me Ronnie as youths, everywhere, in the bars, on the play fields, and he's the one with a DUI on his record.  And my son is 25 years old.  None of these other adults having their families in their lives.  Even my biological father drank and smoked pot around us, everywhere. We pay them to care for and take my son places, and it is working out, I'm very thankful for it, especially so that I can work, when she doesn't put pressure on me to be forced out of the job. I'm asking for them to care for him during the week while Phil works out of town, and I pick up part time work there while we stay.  I will have Alec on the weekends, do our spaghetti, do yard work, hang out, just relax and be with our dog.  And they can keep his che...

You fuckin' son-of-a-bitches

You would come down on a person who suffers, just to make things worse. You would claim you have rights that you don't have because I am the birth mother. You would take every opportunity to spew hate and discord, even around my kids. You would take every liberty to judge, condemn, criticize and put down something looking up right now. You deny any love because you have no love. You can't see the years I've done all the good work, because you want to steal it now. You make me absolutely fucking sick to my stomach. No one should tolerate you.

think about all the money that goes into this...I had my car swept for 200 bucks, and I spent another 200 on a jammer that didn't help, and I got an RF detector for another 80, driven out of state for a meeting/conference, spent 400 on a private investigator, did a letter writing campaign to all counties in Iowa with my own paper, ink, envelopes and stamps, wrote a book and total costs exceeded 1K dollars, and now I'm making advertising things.

ordered 10 bumper stickers for 30 bucks, spent a little bit more than I wanted to, but the campaign has officially started

And then there is the next day

I do not start fights without anyone, but my mother drags me into her drama, and I'm triggered. She's always been a main trigger of mine, and I needed beer just to be able to put up with her. Supposedly Phil is drinking all of Alec's money, which is not true at all, we spend the majority of our money on bills, just like everyone else. I don't gamble, and I don't buy expensive fashion boots, and I don't eat out in restaurants. It's all about Alec with them, and especially she goes on and on calling Phil names, and putting him down, so you know they talk about a lot at their house, about Phil and me. I do not criticize anyone else, but I got sucked in yesterday and said my mother has always been verbally abusive and probably ruined her two sons.  It makes me feel awful to try to either defend, or retaliate, or maybe put up an appearance. Phil has learned too, you just don't feed into her.  He says, We're doing good, I'm making good mone...

this is going to look so pretty on Beth...it's like a sweater jacket, great buy from Wish

7 colors Women's Sports Person... Store: Hangzhou Xiaoshan tripod Trade Co., Ltd. Quantity: 1 $9.50 Size: S, Color: Khaki

It's looking like I'm going to get on working the Hawkeye games, but I can't work weekends, but might do just the homecoming game and stay here instead of going home, but not sure if it's worth it, since we'd have to pay the hotel. It would be a fun job, and I really enjoyed working the ZZ Top concert, there might be work for that too. I want to be bringing some money in, mainly to keep our relationship strong. We're liking our adventure out here so far.

they fit good just now, I'm not a size 8 though, I'm a 10-12, and I don't have leukemia.

Ode to Iowa city (additional revise)

Ode to Iowa City by Sheri Grutz This town smells like poetry through a sieve leaving gemlike rocks reminds me of my kids the second self of a youth gone wild lapping up the energy from the educated sky I've studied this town smells like birth I refused to watch to not pass out black outs in bars at the ready of a ship of fools so off course this town smells like dogs against the moon and angle of the rotten tooth from sweetness and smokes all they do is pay the last piper who took trees away and fields away so brick it up again with an overhead crane and steel in your toes and nerves nobody made good on promises here strange encounters left it gaping as a sinkhole strange roundabout of the past fornicating with the otherness of my soul games and concerts packed and praying Hollywood angels got nothing on mist over river this town smells like water ...

Ode to Iowa City

Ode to Iowa City by Sheri Grutz This town smells like poetry through a sieve leaving gemlike rocks reminds me of my kids the second self of a youth gone wild lapping up the energy from the educated sky I've studied this town smells like birth I refused to watch to not pass out black outs in bars at the ready of a ship of fools so off course this town smells like dogs against the moon and angle of the rotten tooth from sweetness and smokes all they do is pay the last piper who took trees away and fields away so brick it up again with an overhead crane and steel in your toes and nerves nobody made good on promises here strange encounters left it gaping as a sinkhole strange roundabout of the past fornicating with the otherness of my soul games and concerts packed and praying Hollywood angels got nothing on mist over river this town smells like water ...

We went by where we used to live here, the siding is now yellow, and has a big American flag in front. The neighborhood is overgrown now, and seems worn. We went down Hwy 6 where the kids and I used to shop, and where I'd go down to work. Phil is working in huge building pulling cable, getting networks ready, he's a Data Tech. We're hoping he's getting paid more than he thought he was getting, as the other guys are too, but we don't discuss how much you're getting paid at work, I think I learned that lesson. We don't really want to lock in to a lease out here, as Phil found out a guy there just had a baby, and will be coming back, but the hotels are so expensive.

The Sunshine Cult (a brief sketch)

The Sunshine Cult by Sheri Grutz Lights up on a tropical stage setting. Frank sits at a table putting a model ship together. Enter first young man. FRANK: Let me guess, you were out with Sunshine. Yes. We went swimming. I turned my back and she was gone with some other guy. Why do you let her get away with that? She's the brightest I've ever found. Sure, and now you're seeing red. I'm hoping her cloudy days are coming. He sits down on the couch. Enter next young man who is even redder than the first man Oh, no, not you too. Yep, I went out bicycling with Sunshine. She wouldn't get off my back. You didn't have to bare all to her. We rode and rode for hours, until she really turned up the heat, and I lost her at the horizon, because she never goes horizontal. So you sweated it out, huh? I'm kind of hoping she keeps her distance. She'll be back. He sits on the couch...

Hi. sitting in the hotel.

hmmm

at the hotel

Deoge is back at home, and my mom is checking in on her. It made me cry to have to leave her, and not have her out here with us anymore, but she barks whenever I leave the room.   It's hard to have any kind of conversation with my mother since she is constantly correcting or telling me how wrong I am, critical, biting, angry, negative, she brings me down so much. I'm going into a temp agency here tomorrow to get signed up for work. We'll be here from Sun. evenings until Friday at 3:30 p.m. We're looking into finding a cheaper hotel.

Espionage (short poem)

Espionage You can learn a great deal from static on the land phone Rice Krispies sizzling or Pop Rocks in the mouth you can call it America calling I've taken apart phones I've heard it too in the background of silent rooms you can learn that someone is there scratching the ear finger tips shocked when touching metal frying the brain mites picking at the ice combing the dead air you can learn short distances came from miles away and take the call from heaven or hell with its crinkled papers you just couldn't throw away s.m.g.

another Untitled poem for today

Untitled The blanket of summer was made in winter and the yes we came to was made by no's and the house we have was made by nowhere how can I tell you something for sure and make for its opposite to find the truth I'll talk just so I can be silent and I'll sleep just so I can be truly awake every time you formed a stand there was a polar to it so really you could be both sad and happy at the same time

The Questions (brief prose for today)

The Questions The woman will write every question posed against the sheet just to lift something sooner than later formed and set still and silent for any other answer she had come to slowly deliberately worth time and effort they will be hard questions you'd dream in a solid sleep waking to find chaos and confusion do not rule the world any way you look at it she had first wondered if her own place dug in to her soul and planted tomatoes instead of marigolds this sudden spurt of ripe growth dangling around the rumor vines she had first wondered if there was a conclusion other than books she will see if the questions stand the test of time as any song would or any coin s.m.g.

untitled poem for today

Untitled My brother loosens the greeting as you would a bolt nothing is tight or causing resistance he walks in leaving it all to chance with words in his pocket to exchange with timing in the gait undone my brother is walking away as you would from a long horse ride easing into his legs again he does not create a space too small s.m.g.

Money (a creative essay)

Money (a creative essay) A real gentleman, even if he loses everything he owns, must show no emotion. Money must be so far beneath a gentleman that it is hardly worth troubling about. Fyodor Dostoevsky Was this really how Dostoevsky felt? He was under the gun most of his adult life, deep in debt from gambling, and nearly had to write a best seller just to survive. Some of his works did not receive good reviews, like The Idiot, a book that both my daughter and I have read and thought, there really is no plot here. It seems to me, the pressure he was under was sizable and probably did effect his writing, despite reaching acclaim. Edgar Allan Poe lived in dire poverty as well, and really almost abhorred the fact that he was writer, or couldn't make it as a writer, and his attitude was such that he hated the world with a passion. So many that we read today were not rich the way Dean Koontz is today. Nicholas Sparks told a room full of people, “Yes, I mad...

To be inspired...

Writing

sounds like Phil's old timey radio

why I wouldn't take one fucking jack shit from Peter Richards and his class.

Mind map

Yes

It's looking like Phil is going to get this job out of Iowa City doing what he is trained to do. We're hoping that is the location too, I.C., but it'd be even better if it were in and around the Quad Cities. I'm really happy for him, and I think it will save his life to not drink beer and smoke cigs as much. I have two paychecks coming today, but I don't think my bank will cash them because we're probably overdrawn. I'm going to try where I got my car loan.

I'm going to tell you something very petty that happened last nigh....we were sitting a table doing our banks at the end of the night, and I noticed a pen set right in front me, so I picked up and used it and set it right beside me, and this coworker girl who totally rubs me wrong, reached over and took the pen, and set it beside her, then down, and when I needed it again, I reached over right beside and took the pen, and she said, I was using that. I did not respond, then put it back beside her, and when Gail came by, I asked her, Can I borrow a pen? I guess we're not sharing pens here. so stupid.

dream overnight: I am trying to get a job in direct care with all disabilities...I'm at a school, and went with a woman who would hire me...Beth is there, she is real tall, with blue eyes, it's not Beth....we go for a ride and end up at a CF office...it's donations time, and there are many women in the small office....they want a cash donation...I give them a large decorated wooden spoon that I did not make, but I bought...I tell them this is my CF'er, hoping they will hire me...we go back to a wore neighborhood, in and out of a house, but there are men in the neighborhood that want to kill us, they have guns, there are dogs, the wrong people or mistaken people keep showing up around us, but it's not the bad guys, but I keep thinking it might be, I am constantly proving my innocence...but I tell Beth, they won't hire me because that woman from the school rode in my car that had beer cans on the floor and cigarette butts...Beth says, Oh, mom...there are other disabilities in this house, and maybe it's not our house, I keep asking Beth to be friends with them...but the bad guys are threatening.

how 'bout these, Ryan?

The woman making pancakes says, I'm glad I stirred something. the prisoner in the ripped jeans gets snagged on barbed wire and says, I must be too holy. The girl in a suede jacket smokes a pack a day, gets her jacket stolen and says, it's a put on. The boy saves his change for candy but then says, I'm just a sucker.

The Miracle (a brief poem)

The Miracle There was a miracle that dented the exterior of the day that had been carried around like a steel suitcase when all that was in it was the past even the writer said it was safe but the miracle took the shape out of it pounding with a saved silence reserved for babies I looked and saw that I would be changed from baggage I would be no longer a visitor but someone in plenty someone not in a hurry the miracle smacked open the case and we were saved from the turning away like in an instant things can change when proof is a powerful tool s.m.g.

We're fighting. I just didn't really feel like doing anything yesterday after working 3 days in a row, so Phil got drinking and got on my case about not doing anything around the house, and he wouldn't stop. He pushed right over the edge, so I started talking with another man on my phone, a guy who has always lived here in DeWitt, he's about 5 years younger than me. I told him right away I have pd. sz. He still wanted to talk, and he's interested in my writing. I told Phil I was talking with another guy, and naturally he went crazy. Now today he's saying he wants to break up, and leave. This is exactly how the program is set up. Ruin every relationship in the targets life, until they are isolated, and without anything.

this one tries to be funny, but it's just sad.....The Yes Man

The Yes Man by Sheri Grutz The Yes Man (a brief sketch) Stage is set with a long metal table, and one good sized young man is sitting at the end of the table. Lights up and Enter an older man in professional attire who sits down at the opposite end of the table. He sets down a football helmet and a large remote control device. What do your friends call you? Ditto. Alright, Ditto, do you know why you're here? No, I don't. All you have to do is answer some questions. I only answer to my Bunny. My friends call me Dawg, will that do? Hmmm, I suppose. I've heard that you play football, so I'd like to start by having you put this on. You're not wearing one too? I'm already pretty hard headed, and besides I don't play games. (he puts on the helmet) Alright, so you think in this sport that when you go around stealing the ball all the time, it means you can steal magazines from the libra...

Two kids with character....mine. Turning 25 y.o. today. My heart, my love to you guys.

it hasn't been formatted yet, just want you to read it now

Stage is set like a lab with wooden desks, and tons of chemical equipment. Lights up with the man in a white jacket talking with his two patients, a young man, and a young woman. Velcome, Velcome to my factory, my mishion, my occupaaation. There's nowhere to sit down. That's vecause you vare not in de audience, no worries, this study vill be recorded. Is that for going back in time? Nah, nah, tis for proof. And so var, you have not proven yourselves. I've got my proof of auto insurance, will that do? Hmmm, vaybe, vaybe. And I've got proof of a title to my car. Ahhh, yes, autoooomobiles. Please sign that you accept me az your master. Oh for Pete's sake. Alright then, let's get on vith it. You have come here to rid yourself of ailment called schizofrenzia. No? That is correct. Yes, yes, now this vill be a bery simple process, just a few cells from the inside of your cheeks. I vill put the...

inspiration for you

The Jars (a brief poem for today)

The Jars There's a language in the jar that we've already used washed, and reused again, and we knew our mouths would make something stick, my every piece of clothing hanging there on your last word, we knew at the ready what we were going to have again and again, saving the jars in exchange for lip service.   There's so much I want to say, sunlight filled to the top of the day, and a thirst for success in some fashion.  We throw very little away except certain cares that won't get us too far, certain ways of saying it, unbreakable me. s.m.g.

We went out cruising in Phil's Vette today, and I snapped the water towers from Calamus, Grand Mound, and DeWitt, Iowa. We need rain.

Some more silly jokes by Sheri

More silly jokes by Sheri: Man is in bed with his woman getting it on, and he gets tired, and she says, What, can't you stay up? depressed woman wears a push up bra, says, Now, I've got to stay perky. Young man does time in prison, says maybe I'm burnt out, they keep stealing my smokes. young girl wants to be a cheer leader, says when will I stop doing cart wheels for them. House wife has a sudden thought of leaving town, says, I can just leave it all to chance. Instead she pulls the weeds, and says, nothing can be so wild.

I saw this coming, Trump is going to dismantle the Americans with Disabilities Act: I saw this coming, now Repubs want no laws or sight on hand of anybody with a disability, or any funding, or any provisions that would set them apart. It's part of their "Against Identity Politics" that would make anyone who is claiming such a grievance or need to be compensated as being less than average, normal, or part of the whole.

The problems that divide the party are the claims of conspiracy we still know very little about, Russians, an all out assault on a running candidate in which they will stop at nothing, and Russian diplomats under surveillance that was blamed on Obama. Trump wants these people questioned as well, and I'm happy to see a bigger picture from pundits, news agencies and a working body that will take on conspiracy, and not the Allen Clifton types who claim all of it is bunk, paranoia.

911

The worst thing that happened because of 911 was The Patriot Act, and my reps told me, everything now to safeguard our country is made legal, including any form of targeting, or giving up rights that the country feels is necessary. One of the hardest years in the personal history of Suspect Targets was the year 2004, shortly after we were engaged in war. The military complex was at an all time high to cause damage and suffering to anyone fighting against the Crime of the New Century. The whole country put blanket trust in our way of dealing with threats, and that meant Anyone who would undermine or not accept the way the system has been in place. Our ability of getting out of this terrible situation was confounded so deeply that could never move the psyche of average Americans.
I have been the most criticized, celebrated, hated, woman in all of targeting through the mass media, and gov stranglehold. Every thought, emotion, action, word, everything under total watch. Imagine living with the over arching authority over you.

Sheri Grutz doesn't have white privilege attacks from this party, house loan is gov with subsidy, medicaid to pay my psych meds and hospitalizations, good credit rating that lets me get by on a credit card, in and out of jobs, a volunteer, but I'm an undesirable living against incredible odds. I was able to finish a college degree with grant money, and loans. To say, those of us in this party deserve to be placed in a higher bracket just because I'm white, well, fuck you, you know nothing.

we have a direct hit about our issues in the news

Washington (CNN) The mysterious sonic attack on US diplomats stationed in Cuba is raising questions about weapons that sound more like something out of James Bond than reality. The US believes sophisticated devices that operated outside the range of audible sound were deployed either inside or outside diplomats' residences in Havana, injuring at least 16 Americans, several senior State Department officials have told CNN. The attacks, which began in November and ended this spring, left some with mild traumatic brain injury; two might have permanent hearing loss. And the invisible assaults may be continuing against other targets, with  Canadian diplomats  and their family members reporting similar symptoms in June. Experts say the question isn't just what kind of weapon might have been used, but whether the damage was caused by a weapon at all. FBI probes mysterious sonic device in Cuba   01:19 While a mult...