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Stage is set like a lab with wooden desks, and tons of chemical equipment. Lights up with the man in a white jacket talking with his two patients, a young man, and a young woman.

Velcome, Velcome to my factory, my mishion, my occupaaation.

There's nowhere to sit down.

That's vecause you vare not in de audience, no worries, this study vill be recorded.

Is that for going back in time?

Nah, nah, tis for proof. And so var, you have not proven yourselves.

I've got my proof of auto insurance, will that do?

Hmmm, vaybe, vaybe.

And I've got proof of a title to my car.

Ahhh, yes, autoooomobiles. Please sign that you accept me az your master.

Oh for Pete's sake.

Alright then, let's get on vith it. You have come here to rid yourself of ailment called schizofrenzia. No?

That is correct.

Yes, yes, now this vill be a bery simple process, just a few cells from the inside of your cheeks. I vill put the swabs in the vat, and vait one meenute. Please do no chew on de swab.

Can I be tested for HIV at the same time?

Nah. Nope. De vat does not recocknize dat. Alright then, all done. Now I vill seal de vat, and ve vill vait vhile listening to patriotic songs. Ok, now vit is teeme to open the vat. (he puts his hands inside, then pulls them back out with finger puppets on the first fingers that look exactly like the two patients there) Vhat is theese? Ve have produced your DNA into finger puppets, you noteece the resemballence?

(They look dismayed) Is this a child's game...I could have told you already that I'm a puppet.

(He moves the first finger as if talking) Is vhis a childn't game...I could have told you already that I'm a puppet. And vhat does the gurl say?

The girl wants to give you the finger.

Ahhhh. (he moves the middle finger as if talking) De gurl vants to give you de finger.

What is the point in this?

(he moves index finger as if talking) Vhat is de point in dis?

Alright I'm leaving.

Vait! Vait, please. I tell you vhat ve can dooo. Vatch.....young laydy, I snap you. (he makes motion with middle finger with puppet on it and makes a snapping sound) Dhere, no?

You know I do feel like my eyes have lost the haze.

Ahhh yes. And you young man, I can deepe you in cold cream, like dis. (he dips his index finger in the cream set there)

My head has cleared somewhat.

Alright, goooood. De best theeng I can do when connnducking my experiements, is to cross me fingers. Like this. (He crosses the finger puppets)

Can I have a hug?

Sure!

De next theeng I do for laak is knock on wood. Like dis. (he folds in the finger puppets and knocks hard on the wooden desk) (both patients the air chain saw motion over and over, then stop) Ahh yes, ve are triing no? And finally, I vant to test the wind of change. (He pulls his fingers together tight and upright, and the two patients stand straight still right beside each other) Vell, vhat are de odds?

I never date a schizophrenic.

I never date men.

Well, de truth is, I do not know how to cure schizofrenzia. I never haaave known. But vhat ve learned today tis..... just play along. No?

I still want to give you the finger.

And I still want to point things out to you.

(he reaches back into the vat, gets rid of the finger puppets) Hmmm, vhat tis theese? (he pulls out an unused condom) Well, I think you vere tested for HIV. Yep, all tis safe.

How much are we getting paid for this research study?

Nothing! But ve did study vith no test at the end.

I would have failed anyway, I'm a complete failure.

Passed vith fleeeing colors!

I hope I didn't get too cheeky with you.

It vill be desspossed of.

Remember, my vat tis never wrong.

Well that's good.

Except vhen I triii making soufelle in it. Come back, anytime.

At least I made a friend.

Yeah, you wanna get a drink?

Sure. How about a little salty finger to go with that.

You got it.